date line

okay

so

first dates

they're tricky. to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that's right on time, it's tricky, it's tricky (tricky) tricky (tricky)

you can pretty much tell within three minutes or less whether it's going to be shithouse or not. and fuck doctor phil, who was trying to tell me all sorts of crap last year, like women are too picky, women need to give guys a chance and maybe women need to think about settling or they'll be all alone forever until they die with no one to love them

sod the hell off, is what i say. respectfully, of course, dr phil

which is why i went on approximately 10 first (and only) dates last year. except for the 2 repeat dates, where dr phil got the better of me. and i was right. twenty thousand million percent right. should have stayed at home and watched entourage. except i do now have a couple of funny stories in my repetoire

i went on a first date tonight and i had a barrel of monkey's worth of fun

beers

boy suggests karaoke

girl makes executive decision to leave mighty corona in town. boy concurs is excellent decision

boy insists girl sings karaoke

boy insists boy and girl karaoke together in duet fashion. multiple times

lady at karaoke place recognises girl and tells her she's a good customer

lady at karaoke place gives standing ovation to boy and girl. twice

girl leaves boy after karaoke activity and bus at bus stop is correct bus for delivering girl home, and bus driver is a-ok about breaking a twenty for girl

girl gets home and flatties have put electric blanket on for girl. sigh

and this is almost the best part. because almost the best part can be the before the actual meeting, where you hope and you hope about how it might turn out. these hopes are usually dashed at at least the three minute mark. but if things have gone well, this next part can even better, because you've seen them, maybe touched or tasted them and maybe they've sung you 'she's always a woman' by billy joel. and sung it very well, too.

i'm going to liaise with dr phil and greg behrendt

they'll say: good luck to you sister. 6 years younger than you and looks like the younger brother of jack white, john mayer and a very young johnny depp in certain lights. let us know how it goes, chirst

righto. will do