i feel the need, the need for speed

the expectations of any form of first/blind dating are aptly illustrated above

i'm gonna get right in the middle of that intersect tomorrow night at speed dating

right

in

the

middle

smackdab

maturity, thy name is

so like
my boss's boss, who thereby that logic must be my boss said to my boss to tell me:
"tell her to clean up this office. NOW!"
and i was all like "oooooh, he's not the boss of me!"
but
obviously
he is
and i must
ptttssssscccchhhhhhhhhhhh
so unfair

lolcat of the day

damnit

i put the dvds in the car last night because the complicated arithmetic of counting on my fingers told me that two of my weekly hires were due back today

i opened the cases to check them just as i was about to fire them into the returns slot

and just as i registered the blank case, i remembered that 'junior' is sitting on top of 'juno'. a vowel and a consonant are laughing at me in real time

at least i watched it this time

so the stats for 'junior' are 1/3 watches/hires and 2/3 returns on time

and 100% worth all of it for when he says, sobbing, "she was daddy's little girl, and now he's givink her avaayyyyy!"

ok, ok, i concede it's no "it's not a toomah!"

wagon? what wagon?

nearly two weeks off the vino

that's how sick you were

two glasses after work (respectable kiwi culture, no?) and you're having a one person singalong to everclear in your room. okay, alright, one person singalong with dance moves

i can't WAIT til the big blowout on the 8th on the 8th

i might write my will before then. perhaps that would be prudent

of course, moderation IS my middle name

cheese roll advisory

8 is enough

in fact, 8 is about 4 too many

the only thing that can make you feel a bit better after 8 cheese rolls is to watch 3 episodes of arrested development before you go to work

travels with my delorean part 3

travels with my delorean part 2

travels with my delorean part 1

yeah, book

friday night and the lights are low

dear south dunedin video ezy

here is a new copy of 'i could never be your woman'

me and bajoolies broke the other one watching the dance scene too many times

my bad

chirstXX

wastrel

this is how you will spend/waste your friday:

stay in bed until 1330. it's allowed because you're a grown up

while in bed until 1330, spend too long looking at photobomb and snickering to yourself

have a shower. get dressed

go to the video store. find a copy of 'i could never be your woman' and do a little dance of pure happiness while clasping the dvd to your chest. the cute boy who has been casting looks in your direction will see this

leave the video store at the same time as the cute boy. exchange glances again as you get into your cars parked side by side. at the same time you turn the key, your wet converse sneaker will slip off the accelerator. the corona will stall in a spectacular fashion, jerking backwards. at the same time your head will jolt forward onto the steering wheel, blatting the horn. the boy is still looking. abandon your dignity now, and peel out of the video ezy parking lot

wander into the woollies, and mutter to yourself as you cast aimlessly around because you can't remember what you went there for. look up, right into the eyes of the cute doctor you had the biggest most painful crush in the world on about eighteen months ago. luckily your basket only contains dishwasher tablets, not condoms/tampons/laxatives/worming tablets/medicinal creams. try to make sparkling conversation as your wander around the muesli bars and chips together, and thank your lucky stars you decided against the trackies and the chainsawing boots. wind up having a conversation that involves the phrase "it's NOT a toomah!" it could be worse. it could have been better, but you'll settle for it not being worse

come home, get back into bed, turn the blanket onto 3 and watch 'i am legend'. enjoy feeling of gratitude to self that you said 'legend' not 'leg-end' to the doctor. not that it matters. the days where you had nicknames for each other on the ward are in a land far far away. with your grace and dignity, presumably, because they've been absent for a while

cook chooken and chups for the fambily for the dinners. drink some coke zero. drink some more of it. not too much though, alright?

once you fulfill your date with destiny and watch 'i could never be your woman' with bajoolies, that'll be all you can crowbar into the day

absolutely no room for making pikelets to take to big river town. none whatsoever

world enough, and time

i've been waiting for him my entire life

when he gets here, we'll do all the things i've saved up for date material, including yet obviously not limited to the chinese gardens and the butterfly house

probably what'll happen though, is this:

i'll wait until the dvd comes out and have a millenium sized dehydrating pity party wallow

oh god, it'll be like chirstmas

new kid on the block

i blocked my first person on the interweb dating today. on and off the information superhighway of lurrrrve over three and half years, and only just now with the block

i thought about it after the passive aggressive borderline abusive email

i reserved the right of reply, and boy, this dude sure has his panties in a twist

it wasn't the misogynist generalistic ignorant bullshit that finally convinced me

'lol' (twice) and 'lmao' were the nails in his coffin. used in a serious fashion during his ranting discourse. ironically, he was trying to dazzle me with his wit, verbosity and polysyllabisism at the time

omfg, i rofl, pmsl AND lol about it

what? ott?

nah. he probably just has a unique personality makeup, is all

dear j.j. abrams

more bang for your buck

oh
my
god

i was watching 'the big bang theory' in the lounge and rajeesh koothrappali said:

"have you seen my limo? it's redonkulous"

i looked up
and met bajoolies' eyes in the dining room
and she said
"i know"

lolcat of the day

are you sure, gregory?

still embed

when you're feeling poorly you earn the right to stay in bed, watching movies and feeling sorry for yourself

so i went to video ezy and i got sex drive out, because i had seen the trailer a few months ago and though it looked funny and it had my favouritest favourite song from 2008 in it. if you can name that song and artist, i'll give you a prize

it's pretty solid. the whole teen sex gross out comedy genre experienced somewhat of a renaissance about ten years ago, and this is a pretty good one even though it does feel pretty formulaic. but hey, there's comfort in familiarity, right?

it's like road trip meets american pie(s) meets ferris

be warned though: if your mood is somewhat fluctuant of late, it'll make you cry. yeah, it will. not as much as fifty first dates though - that's the new mood rating bench mark. check the textbooks, it's right in there

panacea

sigh
i'm in my bed, with the clean steel blue 400 thread count egyptian cotton sheets, wearing the clean pink flannelette pyjamas with grey dogs on them, listening to everclear
my electric blanket is set to optimistic
i'm dosed with antibiotics and analgesia

it's becoming a probability rather than a possibility that i'll live to see what tuesday looks like

bedding enabled by request

this is my favourite song to listen to when i make my bed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JEoFzvxiyI

i defy you to not bust the funk

rigorous training

as you may or may not know, i have felt somewhat like the undead over the last few days. a little less than ideal, if you will. febrile, achy, tired, fatigued - all the unspecific goodies

which is why i had the anxiety about the big huge giant bike ride. if you'd care to look at the map above, you can clearly see it's NEARLY 50 KM!

now this would have been all well and good and smiles on everyone's faces (ear to ear, baby), but i had to have a shower and then go and tend to the sick and infirm for eight and half hours immediately following such expending of energy. i felt a little delirious, a little high on endorphins. but only a little, and only for a woefully short time

as the night progressed, i felt worse and worse. not bad enough that i couldn't perform important diagnostic tests on myself, though (who knew my bladder could hold 831mL? who?) and provide exemplary patient care whilst driving my colleagues infuckingsane at the same time, no doubt

then the headache started. relentlessly. mercilessly. pounding. aching.

i went straight to bed like a good girl when i got home at 2330, all snowed on and chilly and poorly. third day no vino in the chirst. crikey.

i woke up at 0300, teeth chattering, shivering and shaking so much that i spilled a whole glass of water in the kitchen

and then when i woke up inthe morning, i felt just dandy. the end.

that was a lie, did you spot it? because in actual fact, come the morningtime i felt so shithouse that i asked bajoolies to take me to the vet, because i had the worst headache, photophobia, full body aches and a stiff sore neck

i took some codeine, which was aces, because it made me throw up, (luckily that's not a sign of the meningococcal disease, oh wait on....) and i went back to bed where i have remained all the livelong day

and that is the end of that. don't mind me, i'm just in a gloomy place, rather boggy and sad

video killed the radio deathstar

we had a radio just like this, but it was green. the radio, not the death star. our death star was grey just like this one, too. they only came in the one colour. darth vader used to say "you can have it in any colour you like as long as it's grey"

and in corstorphine in the late 70s and early 80 we used to listen to it on sunday mornings (again, the radio, not the death star - their programming sucked for kids)

and the two things i remember hearing the most on space station z with dick weir were:

• ernie, and he drove the fastest milkcart in the west (aaawwooooooooo)


• the song about flash the hound doggie from the dukes of hazzard

what she said

Charlotte (drunk):"I'm nice. I'm pretty, and smart! I'm a catch!"

cool kids wear lids

this is me at my thirty something birthday celebration, wearing my new bike helmet which i also needed for the extreme contact sport of japanese food eating. all those other people in the background all sustained serious injuries as a direct result of not wearing a helmet. i was absolutely unscathed and totally fine. and so i plan to wear my helmet tomorrow......

tomorrow (which is here now, bon jour!) is the day of the nine thousand km bike ride before the going to work part of the day

this will require quite the effort on my behalf and possibly necessitate tapping into the force (hey remember that ad 'it's milk man, may the force be with you!'?) and channelling all sorts of wax on wax off max the envelope chanting to self in order to prevail

i will mix up that amazingly potent and incredibly effective drink that enhances my already pretty special x men powers. i will drink it and all will be well.

i won't fall off. i won't fall off. i won't fall off

friday on my mind

this is how the undead prepare for work on a friday. a friday that cruelly taunts you with not being the real friday end of the working week friday, but more like a thursday, ergo the undead still have to go to work tomorrow. the undead are wicked stoked about this.

they lie in bed for ages and ages and ages. they read a little bit of 'the van' by roddy doyle, and fall asleep again and then they have a bad dream about the 2 hour bike ride they're supposed to go on tomorrow morning before work. then they wake up again and realise it's not a dream, but fearful reality because they're too scared of myresa to not do it tomorrow even though they are sick enough to be the undead.

then the undead finally get up around midday, and have a shower, and go to the drive through subway and get foods to get in them. then the undead get back into bed with their foot long turkey sub with bacon and watch juno for a while.

but now the undead have to get up again, for the third time, and get ready for work.

rrrraaaarrrrrrrrr. braaaaiiiinnnnssss

the undead still need a wage

oh, blurgh

i felt so crap and awful and achy and downright just plain dreadful at work that i had to resort to pretending to be a zombie at times to get through the shift, complete with muttered "rraaaaar, i want brains!" as i wandered unsteadily around, with my arms outstretched, searching for, well, brains

it's quite hard to be a productive team member when you're being a zombie, but i know i managed it with aplomb and professionalism. it's just a given

some of the extreme tummy hurtiness surely must be ascribed to the pink swiss neutral ball of abdominal torture and death

and some of the general all over terrible pain must surely be ascribed to disease, pure and simple. complete with T37.7C

(oh, and in case you WERE interested in the rest of the chirst stats for the evening: BP 119/78; P63 reg; SaO2 98%; pre void volume 608mL, post void residual 0 mL)

it goes without saying that the awesometer reading was off. the. charts.

as it always is, ptsscccchhhhhhh

a day in the life 1600 - 1700

tired
finished
retrieval of transport
procurement of comfort

the end

a day in the life 1500 - 1600

fix fix fix fix fix fix fix

a day in the life 1400 - 1500

oopsie, nearly fell off the neutral swiss office ball. must curb such exuberance when bouncing, could be construed as slightly less than professional. which OF COURSE I AM AT ALL TIMES

meeting at 1430

coffee meeting at 1500

will have to press the buttons in the lift with my elbows because i don't trust everyone else's germy little hands. it's also impossible to lick your own elbow or insert it in your eye or nose, thus reducing the risk of transmissible microbes one squillion fold

i just have to remember to put my tissue box slippers back on when i get back to my cave i mean office

not cave. not

a day in the life 1300 - 1400

lunch - in me
discovered burst capillaries under eye - gives me street cred, i reckon

a day in the life 1200 - 1300

food goes in here
it sure does

a day in the life 1100 - 1200

ok
it's nearly lunchtime
my printer is still the wrong one so i am going on a wee trip to access a different one
my feet are extremely soft and pliant in my grown up converse sneakers due to prolonged emollient application with/without massage sometime in the last 15 hours

this hour by hour thing is not nearly quite as dramatic as they make it look on 24. and i have no splitscreen happening in my life, either

a day in the life 1000 - 1100

i have to juggle the timing of many things in my head
i'm quite adept at this
luckily for all concerned in these multitudinous arenas that could be affected

and i think i will go to the muffin break for some caffeine. but only a little. one needs to attempt moderation in one's life once in a while, apparently

and i got a free pen! hurrah! rewarded and validated, check.

a day in the life 0900 - 1000

i'm having a wee bounce on the bouncy bouncy office chair i mean neutral swiss ball while i wait for my daptomycin to reconstitute. it takes approximately 17 hours to do so, which is why i'm glad i started this batch yesterday

marge, you're soaking in it!

a day in the life 0800 - 0900

urgh

it looks to be a two berocca start to the day in the robot bottle of grown up goodness

i had to park in the parking building because i was late late late. i'm projecting a sorry onto my visa already

i listened to my chemical romance all the way from the car to the office

maybe i can get some toast. i think this is a sound idea

spring chicken

hey chickadee, why so blue? i'm the chickadee chicken, i've got something for you! new chicken chickadees are out of sight, they're really cosmic, here take a bite!
wow, real chicken flavour!
real chicken shape!

i think i'll eat a monkey. now i think i'll eat a lion. ROAR! UH OH!

my tiny little mind may have become unhinged by my awesome new office chair, which is a neon pink swiss ball. this means it stays neutral during disputes

i like to bounce around like it is a moonhopper

or i am a kangaroo

or a frog. a cute frog though, bien sur. not a warty old toad

i think i might go and get some coffee now. that will assist the bouncing. big time. and coffee is a grown up drink, ergo I AM A GROWN UP

oooooh, am so.

what goes around comes around

oh, i beseech you for aid, jebus. it's so very very cold up in corstorphine (a friend of mine actually calls it 'the badlands') and my feet won't warm up satisfactorily enough even though my electric blanket (yum yum yum) is on 3/3. ironically i know i'll fall alseep with it on, and wake up in two hours, perspiring, confused and dehydrated. what now with the who now?

i made an interesting discovery as i changed out of my 'at home' attire (trackpants, goonies t shirt, boots my brother denounces as 'heinous - you look like you're going to chainsawing in them') and into what i consider to be casual yet stylish choices

i had on my faded flared jeans, a black/grey stripey long sleeved top with a cool green printed t shirt over the top, and my moss green laceless converse chuck taylor low cut sneakers

and i realised i could be anywhere from the age of 9 up until 40ish, located in time anywhere between 1960 something until now. i could be a kid, or i could be a techogeek, or i could be an artist or a writer, or a disillusioned teenager from any of the decades during that time

fashion is cyclical. i am cynical. the timing is critical. reverse, inverse, traverse, converse

incidentally

i've learned today that trying to clean my room is a near on impossible mission. i wisely decided to increase the difficulty factor by seventeen thousand by spending the majority of the early afternoon in fairfield. this was not helpful in completing the mission. unsurprisingly, i've returned home and there has been NO PROGRESS MADE AT ALL

until now. because i am drinking one of those giant kick ass 500mL cans of sugar free V. in two hours i'll either have a clean and tidy room, or i'll be on the floor of the messy room, suffering a cardiac event due to the caffeine and guarana and whatever else is in that can that is now getting in me

i'm hoping the former scenario will become an actuality, because having a cardiac event will put a kink in getting ready for my third date

yes, panel. that's correct: third

report

i'm supposed to be cleaning up my room
it's nearly reached critical mass. the pile(s) are unstable, to say the very least
i'd like to report that i'm a goodly way through the task, i really would
but i can't report that

because i'm still in bed, watching chad vader on youtube

up to date

i'm back up on the high horse of hope

because there is
a maybe
a possibility
a could be
a might be

goodnight moon XXX

it's in the stars

that website is so lovely with it's concerns for my love life and wellbeing

"will this be a summer of love?"

i'll make allowances for the hemispheric inversion of the seasons, and hope for an end to the winter of my discontent

the principal of the matter

i have been saying this for years

years and years, i tell you

radio shack

it's cold. it's dark. it's wet and cold and dark. it makes me think of 2006

in 2006 i moved in with my bro and bajoolies and her sister and her daughter, which was quite the seachange from living by myself. i found myself ridiculously overstimulated whenever anyone came home from work or school, and i had to immediately tellthemeverythingihadbeendoingsinceisawthemlast *inhale*

that wore off eventually (much to the relief of everyone, including the 7 year old), and we all settled down into being the millenium nuclear fambily (two sets of siblings, one couple, one child, two cats)

we had a shed out the back, and from the outside it looked like a shack. but inside, oh the wonder of it all. it housed the laundry facilities for the millennium fambily, but that was just the beginning. there were two comfy chairs, an ashtray, a phone and a tv. one could (and one one did) conceivably spend hours in the shed, watching c4.

i had spent a long time not really listening to the radio or watching music tv (not because i'm amish, i don't really have a reason why. just because, ok?) so to hang out in the shed on a daily basis and watch c4 was a real education. there were many many cool songs, and sometimes bajoolies' sister and i would be sheddin' it up right fine and discover the coolest songs together. we're inextricably bonded now because of this. don't question it, mmmkay?

so, for those of you on the edge of your seats,

here are my top 5 songs from the shed circa 2006:

• the feeling "fill my little world" the very very first time i heard and saw this song i loved it. not least because it described exactly how i felt about the boy of the moment. i had to buy the album from fishpond.co.nz on the strength of this song, and i've never regretted it

• bernard fanning "songbird" for some reason in that part of 2006 i only seemed to work afternoon shift, and as well as seeing the video in the shed i tended to hear this song on the radio on the way to and from work and it seemed to be all. about. me - particularly because at that time i was doing a lot of mixing grape with grain to sedate my pain. it was a perfectly appropriate track for the activity of crying all the way to work aaaannnnnnnnnnd all the way home again, because it was 100% true. because of this song and "wish you well" i had to purchase "tea and sympathy", which is still one of the most depressing albums i own

• the strokes "you only live once" now this had a cool cool cool video, and bajoolies' sister and i used to catch this quite often. and the lyrics, well, yeah they seemed to ring a bit true in that time of my life too. oh hang on, what about now? yeah, looks like they've stood the test of time, too

• death cab for cutie "i will follow you into the dark" now, i only saw this video the once in the shed, and i was by myself. but i couldn't get it or the song out of my head. and i never heard it again until this year, and now i can't stop listening to death cab for cutie. so thank you, c4 from 2006, you planted a seed

• lily allen "smile" now, i was alone (again, naturally) when i saw this video for the first time in the shed. and i sat, not blinking, mesmerised for the whole clip. because, again, like all of the songs in this deluxe 'sheddin' it up right fine, 2006' mix, it was about my own stupid little life. which explains why it is the ringtone for my motorola v3x cellular mobile telephone to this day

sigh. i miss that shed. shed, if you're reading this, drop me a line and let me know how you are, eh?

mad cow

i'm pretty sure i don't have cutaneous anthrax

that may have been the most upbeat thing i've said all day

(oh look, there's still 1 and a bit hours left to pull something super shiny stellar out of the pollyanna bag. the glass half empty part of me would advise you not to hold your breath, though)

present and correct

i've already figured out what to get my brother for his birthday or chirstmas. these two events are separated by three calendar days, so sometimes he falls into that category where he gets given one present to cover the two occasions

this is one thing for one occasion though. and boy oh boy oh boy -

i can't believe i'm winding myself up about it now. but you know the feeling, when you think of something that you know will be so amazing and so unexpected and so right

just you wait, bro. just you wait

(i'm actually going to have to go away and write it down now so i don't forget. stranger things have happened you know. no, really, they have)

star me (lol)kitten

the emails i accidentally signed up to receive from an astrology website a couple of years ago keep trickling in. they do make me laugh though, especially the ones i've received in the last two weeks:

• what is your relationship potential?
• is your relationship meant to be?
• uranus turns retrograde - expect the unexpected!
• are you two a perfect match?
• resolve conflicts in your relationship!
• is it time to move on?

when my what now turns retrograde?

two degrees of separation

i had a lovely dinner at a friend's place tonight. a group of women, around the same age, hanging out, drinking wine, eating food and shooting the shit

the first part of this story begins with talking about that new two degrees cellular mobile telephone network, and ha ha ha, it's true, everyone in dunedin really is separated by two degrees

which segues nicely into

the second part of this story, which has two of the women in the group talking about men and what they say to you

both these smart, intelligent attractive women share some things with each other. and one woman says to the other, "hey, that sounds exactly like this guy i used to see a few years ago, what's his name? not..."

and at the same time both of these women say "jason bateman"

and i am reminded of everclear's 'my sexual life'

"he always says he wants to find a special one

but you watch his head go spinning around

he wants anyone who'll give it up

he seems to forget he's in a small town"

hey bucko, hearing you talk just makes me tired

midwinter chirstmas

i almost always but not quite forget just how much i love pavement until that very first bar of any of their songs, and i'm transported rapturously again

whenever i listen to pavement i end up thinking about rhys, jim, kelly, linda, andy and that green house on york place, because YOU CAN NEVER QUARANTINE THE PAST

i've said it before, and i'll gladly say it again: stephen malkmus = lyrical genius

weighs and means

there's a quiet little place at work i go to think sometimes

i hide in the treatment room, and i sit on the electronic scales. sometimes i have a little clinic for myself, and while i weigh myself i take my temperature, my blood pressure, my oxygen saturations, pulse and sometimes even blood glucose level. it's a little one stop WOF for the chirst while i take some time out

now and then i think about what i'm supposed to be doing. but for the most part i sit and i contemplate boys

i developed this habit back in 2006, when i used to think about peter parker. later that year i thought about the bad yoga man. then in 2007 i used to ponder the englishman. 2008 flicked back to the bad yoga man for a while - very briefly. this year i've been musing over holden caulfield and jason bateman

i should make an observation chart to record these findings. that's what i should do

on friday i can have a sit on the scales and have a think about my two different dates coming up over the weekend. see how i snuck that in there at the end? pure stealth and nothing but

20/20

this is a picture of me before i cut and coloured my hair

i'm still smart, though. whipsmart, i'd go so far to venture (not a word you hear a lot, granted)

but thanks to nelson at moha, i got 512 views on my interweb dating page in a month

recession? ptscccccchhhhhhhh

power up

i tried out that new energy super fuel powder myresa gave me. she's loathe to use it herself because of the caffeine.

oh, it's good. it's really pretty fucking good. i'm pretty sure i can see through time.

i had it for breakfast, along with the squeeze pack of the same stuff before i went to the gym. it makes me think of willy wonka and his chewing gum meal and how actual food may become redundant (as if that will ever happen, don't worry food, i'll never leave you)

i ran 1.5km before my boxing session with richard. i have to go to my million dollar baby place for those sessions, and i have to remember that because he's younger than me, he's not going to get all my pop culture references. it makes it kind of frustrating when you're trying to explain why you're like michael douglas in 'falling down', or when you say 'damn you rock 'em sock 'em robots, why can't we just get along?'

the worst one was when he was explaining the kicks i was going to do, and he said 'have you ever seen the karate kid? it's kind of old' and i sang him a substantial portion of 'i am the one who will fight for your honour' and he just looked at me and said 'well, maybe you've seen it one too many times'

as if

do not go gently into that good night

oh, philip, we hardly knew ye

i was the only one who saw you. and this morning, you were gone in a SNAP!

no more of our cheese crackers will you eat. no more of our wooden cats will you evade

i'll let mickey, minnie, danger, mighty, jerry, itchy, stuart little, fievel and the three blind ones know

i'll call it. i was there. time of death: 0103am

inversely pollyana

urgh
i'm still in bed
i don't want to get up
i have a headache - legit and not caused by vino, thus exponentially worse
i have to go to work
i think i'm haemorrhaging cash every second of the livelong day
my room is cold and damp and a mess, and i'm paralysed to do anything about it
i'm having a bad hair day. again
i will be pushed to the outermost limits of my patience at work again. guaranteed
spiderbabies and/or mothbabies might hatch out of that thing on my chest
i will die old and alone with nobody to love me

is it teatime/hometime/bedtime yet? is it?

sigh

gyminy cricket

it's nearly time to call saturday a day. well, obviously it's already called a day (satur), but for me it's about time to get into my nice warm bed and wait for the seventh day to begin so i can lather rinse repeat and do it all over again.

i was so super organised that i went to the gym before work, which meant packing up my 1430-2300 needs and transporting them at 1130. i always have to check my supplies about four times to make sure i have everything, because it's a sad time in a girl's life when you have to use the hairdryer to dry your undies because you forgot to pack extra ones.

last weeks triathlon scared the bejeebus out of me, so i've been facing down that 2km run three days in a row. i've manged to shave 1.5 minutes off my time in a week, so that's good. i think. i'm also painfully aware that i'm going to have to tack that extra half a km on sometime too. that will hurt, but i have some swears practised just for that.

at the same time i'm refriending the spin bike in an effort to live up to my team's expectations in september. i'm super smile happy that i have the uphill portion of the race. lucky i have some swears in reserve for this, too. i try them out a little at a time, usually when i hit my knee in the same place on the stupid bike when i get on/off. you'd think i'd learn, but i think we all know a little something about my repeating behaviours that are not necessarily beneficial to me.

i managed my 40 minutes on the bike (2 minutes down, 2 minutes up, except the whole 5 minutes up at the end), then i ran the 2km in 11 minutes 23 seconds, and then i went to the mat. i had to lie on the mat with my towel over my face for the crying, but no one seemed to notice. now, i've noticed this at the gym before. you can lie face down on the mat for ten minutes, not moving and nobody seems to worry. this worries me, understandably. at the pub, if you have too much, you won't get served. at the casino, they're bound by law to ask you if you think you've had enough. but at the gym, they'll sell you a power cookie and watch you row 25km without a whisper.

i guess whatever doesn't kill me makes me better, faster, stronger. right?

a love song for bobby long

one day i won't

one day

but that's not today

probably not tomorrow, either

i swear to god, we're JUST like ross and rachel.

carbon. copy.

less than zero

sometimes (ok, like, MOST of the times) other people say what you want to say a lot better

people say, "why don't you make better decisions, there, little chirst?" (or words to that effect, usually with choice expletives and volume and gesticulation. text messages can seem pretty loud, too)

and it's kind of lame to say "because you can only do what you can do", or "because this is what i want to do, even though i recognise the poor decision making inherent in my current thinking", or even my stock favourite, "needs must as the devil drives" (although at the moment, with a shattered windscreen, no WOF and no rego, the devil doesn't drive very frickin' far at the moment)

so kudos to robert downey jr, talking about his behaviour a few years ago, - i can't get it out of my head at the moment: "it's like i have a loaded gun in my mouth, and my finger's on the trigger and i like the taste of gunmetal"

i'm pretty sure i can change. i think i can, i think i can. i am the little engine that could

maybe

(smirn)off colour

a night of duty free wodka can make you feel less than ideal the next day

which is ideal, really, for when you have to spend 35 minutes on the cellular mobile telephone to the vodafone "helpline"

i like how the only song they have for when they put you on hold for 27 of those minutes is 'bohemian like you' by the dandy warhols

i also like that no one will help me until i have a paper copy of my account, which i won't receive until the morrow. 21st century go to sleep, indeed

(inter)net worth

i wonder what the label above my head says today?