chirstmas cheer

yesterday was a very busy day at work, and i was a bit vacant, a bit drained, a bit had-it by the time i finished
but i thought i would push and get the rest of my chores done after work, and it wasn't too bad
so by the time i came home to the caversham palace, chilled out a bit and put my tired little chirst feet up in front of sky i was a bit vacant and bit sorry for myself
but then the universe smiled upon me
"elf" with will ferrell and zooey deschanel was just starting
and
it was then followed by "13 going on 30" with jennifer garner and mark "mr chirsty" ruffalo
i had forgotten how much i love this film
i used to have my own copy but i loaned it to someone and they skipped the country with it
and the "thriller" scene was just the pick me up i needed
what's even more awesome is that i've stopped home for a break during my work day today and caught it again

yay for chirst!

cheesy chirstday

so, um, yeah
me gettin' mah cheese on a couple of years ago before the shortening and the reddening

shark week

hmmmm

short hair

short t-rex forearms

mighty mighty hangover

i think jaws has the advantage here

alt grrl

oh, i know
i'm so predictable
alternative american guitar music from the 90s
shocking
positively shocking

a chirst by any other name

(chronological order
1975 - present day)


chrissy

chrissy lizzy

cb

christobel

chris

bean

beanches

cootie

beanagator

gator

gatie

gates

cootie-adile

crash beanacootie

bundle

moobly

chirstine

chirst

chirsty

chirstinator

chirstamaphone
little princess

hipster chick

retro chick

mcchirsty

chirstday

ever had to compete with teh interweb for attention?

you betcha i can identify with that cat

today is the hottest, windiest day ever

i've had to cancel all of my important and busy plans and concentrate on wilting on the bed with the pretty acer and the book i'm reading and the beer i'm going to get from the fridge right the fuck now

i have to do recuperating after going out for lunch and in preparation for going out for dinner

look, i don't want to be rude but i'd better get back to it - i had a trial go this morning, lying in bed until 1130 listening to james morrison and i think with a bit of effort i can make some progress in this area

entourage - season 6

grr

• calling twelve 22 minute episodes an entire season is bullshit (nurse jackie, listen up)
• where the fuck is vince?  like, where the fuck is he all season?
• nothing really happens.  seriously
• the cameos - less and weaker, save the last episode
• drama is nowhere near as crazy (which = funny)
• ari is dilute - ari needs to be barely in control and incendiary with vengeance
• no one says "fuck!" enough.  fuck!
• drug use and sex scenes have withered to paltry proportions.  i like drugs and fucking.  in my tv shows. 
• everyone (except blackberry toting ari) has iphones.  yawn
• no hilarious shenanigans like the mushrooms at joshua tree
• no standout quotes (who doesn't want something to look "i'm gonna beat that old fuck and throw him in the pool.  only daddy talks that way, kids!" square in the eyes? i sure as fuck do)
• not as many cars and gadgets and toys.  i like cars and gadgets and toys
• nz airways - wtf?  and also wtf with the hostie's accent?
• dana gordon?  where's everyone's favourite ex assistant who liked to be penetrated in cabo in the 90s?

meh

• the music is still good, but it doesn't kick the ass that it has in the past

america, fuck yeah!

• ladyhawke is playing in episode 10
• turtle scrubs up well - and flies across the world for love when most can't drag themselves halfway across an urban postcode
• lloyd!!
• matty fuckin' d, man!  matty fuckin' d!
• terence (gasp!)
• it's still l.a
• it's still hollywood business
• it's still cool

please mind the gap

o hai

so, like, nothing much happened in november

clearly

more later

maybe

thirsty chirsty

last night i had what i think will be the first of many drinks with my new work friend

and today i feel mightily hungthefuckover

so when i went to the supermarket my purchases were engineered to help assuage the terrible and fearsome super thirst i've been afflicted with since about 2300 last night

i submit for your persusal:

• sugar free v - can, 500ml
• superjuice 'balance' - bottle, 1l
• superjuice 'upbeet' - bottle, 1l
• l&p sweet as - bottle, 1.5l
• barker's lemon barley cordial - bottle, 710ml
• frank sparkling tangy blood orange - bottle, 1.25l
• mac's gold all malt lager - bottles (330ml), 12

go kidneys, go!!

lolcat of the day

it so is, bro

lament for a monday

thank you 'weeds' for expanding my alt music base

and for being right on the money for my monday

except for the wating by the phone part

god bless teh interweb

lol. cats!

free market

fuck off, telemarketer

you don't give a good goddamn how my day is going, thank you very much

don't you fucking invade my private world and try to make me feel shit about saying no to your cause

i KNOW it's a worthy cause.  i've given fucking money to it before

did you wanna hear a few sad stories yourself? i've got a couple of goodies, you know

no?  really?

yeah, piss off, then

this is exactly why i don't often answer the phone

like now.  i'm ignoring it again, right now

day's dawning, skin's crawling, pure morning

oh, i'll admit it

right the fuck straight up, bro

cos at the moment i've made my bed again to not sleep in it

again

and this could be any of several handfuls of days over the last few years

but i'm willing to throw something different into the mix

i'm not afraid in the least of disturbing the time space continuum - bring that shit the fuck on, is what i say to you

the time space continuum?  yes, well, here is a selection of what i consider to be the most helpful films to discuss the time space continuum and the inherent dangers of fucking with it yet also highlighting the enormous pay off if you can fuck it right:

the terminator series
the back to the future series
the bill and ted films
hot tub time machine
the butterfly effect

there, so now that we're all schooled up in the mechanics and semantics of time travel, hurry the fuck up and get me some plutonium for the flux capacitor i've spent a good part of my sleepless night installing in the mighty corona so that i can nip back a bit and sort some of this business out

off to sort out these useless, painful, interminably long and torturously repetitive days once and the fuck for all

i'm sure through carefully controlled reconstruction of certain events of the past i'll be able to throw in a few self centered indulgences along the way,  not to mention rewarding those of true and loyal persuasion - i'll start that fucking list right the fuck now, since you brought it up

it's not like i don't fucking deserve it now, is it?  so don't be alarmed if i'm suddenly far thinner, even smarter (pttssch! as if, right?) and quite a lot fucking wealthier than you remember from the other day

happier, too.  keep that in the foremost of your mind as i deal to the detritus and debris from the past that's caused havoc in what should be a happy happy life

oh, and in an unpdate a few hours later, teh intahweb delivers this.  click it, oh do it, do it

not everyone is here

you'd think this monday would be good and fuckin' done and dusted, eh?

you really fuckin' would

i think it might be next week already

but who would know, right?

what i do know however, is if i were one of the finn brothers i'd bet my bottom fuckin' dollar i'd be tim

you can see that, right?

when the finns toured in 2004 i went to see them two nights in a row - first in dunedin and then pretty much front row the following evening in christchurch.  we watched neil stroll through the foyer and the restaurants of the crowne plaza hotel from the lofty perch that was the club lounge - you can sink a fair few "free" voddies in 2 hours up there, you know.  in the christchurch town hall tim used an old school playskool microphone and "amp" for a few wrecks'n'effects, particularly during "i see red".  hey - i have red hair, you know - not too shabby a segue for this time of night, really, when all things are considered

in 1984 we were staying with my mum's cousin winnie and her second husband in matamata and tim finn's "fraction too much friction" was being thrashed to fuckin' death on every single radio station from end to end of split enzed.  in fact, every time i see or hear the word "friction" i think of that song and that holiday.  that was the holiday where me and my sister pretended to get shut in the downstairs room and ironically ended up stuck there for two hours until someone heard us shouting through the ventilation

i've been playing a fuckload of crowded house, split enz and the finn brothers in the mighty corona lately - and in the work rocket.  in fact, i like to go and park up on john wilson drive most days, working or not, and drink something laden with caffeine and stare at the water for a while, listening to new zealand music and letting the hamster run on his wheel.  he's spinning pretty fast lately, you know

funnily enough, i had a quasi-stalker this year who was not dissimilar in appearance to tim

in other news, i used the word "incendiary" in an everyday conversation tonight, much to the mirth of the other participant.  but she said the "c" word first, and you can bet it wasn't for fuckin' "cookie" and oh how i laughed then

i use too many words altogether, really, and maybe i should just shut the fuck up sometimes

so

i think i'll watch another episode of outrageous fortune and just drop out for a bit longer

night's still young, hey?

red queen

i said a transformation was taking place

didn't i?

full house

and then the nurse beside me at work laughed because she saw me loading up my stuff to take to the work car and she heard me say "come on neil, i'll show you round dunedin this morning" to my crowded house cd

the unforkitten

dude
like, no way!

never better, thanks

"i've got the magic in me

i am complete is what i'm sayin"

jinkies

hey, you know how the other day i thought i looked like a grown up real life pebbles flintstone?

well, i think i've also realised that i'm a hybrid of velma and shaggy

i know

just think if i used my brain for constructive purposes

my velouria

currently i'm resting on top of my freshly made, completely changed bed

resting because i was busting a few too many moves to this beastie boys song

busting moves in my underwears

i've spent today dressed in head to toe velour - which was kind of an accident (even more than it sounds!) - didn't realise until i was at the video store getting cop out and the royal tennenbaums for to watch in bed with the sticky ribs and the pizza and the dessert pizza

it was kind of like yesterday when i realised i'd wandered around and interacted with many members of the human race wearing my black hoodie that i forgot had a ben 10 sticker on it

a ben 10 sticker i got for being a good chirsty

i like rewards

silver lining

what can i say?

if i had a real live boyfriend then i doubt i'd be allowed to spend the evening in bed eating hell pizza spare ribs (and getting them all over the sheets, slatternly wench!) and watching "cop out"

(look, i know, i know, but i can't resist the buddy cop genre, i'm a little bit addicted to tracy morgan and the catchline is "rock out with your glock out" - i mean, come on!)

guitar hero

http://www.latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/submit-a-video/index2.shtml

this is what my life has been building towards!

i can play guitar!
i can play pavement songs on my guitar!
i live in america!
i...oh, wait

yeah, okay

you've got me there

the proof of the pudding is in the eating, so bite me

here's the thing

i am actually a pretty good cook

it's come to my attention that some people think i don't know what a kitchen is

well, that's just a fallacy

just for instance

i have a go-to special dish that i cook when i'm in the wooing phase

it's not flashy flashy master chef, but it's a pretty decent and delicious spinach and ricotta cannelloni dish

usually i put a complicated salad on the menu, too

a tricky and tasty dessert

plus whatever it is that i've found out you like to drink

and if you'd come to dinner on that day you would have eaten, drunk and beheld a surfeit of flavours

in fact, i've all sorts of treats and culinary delights with which to feed my potential love

but circumstances over the last couple of years have meant that unleashing my unbridled kitchen bitch skills in the name of love/lust/poor judgement has been a bit of a challenge

never mind

oh, and just by the by

this does not in any way shape or form constitute me pulling my fucking woolly head in

and oh, hey look!  i managed to spell that word right for you that time, too

no, you're welcome

we can't all get 96% in school cert english, now can we?

like all the things you can't explain

i would risk my neck again

again

rock my world

guilty

shake 'n wake

New Zealand Earthquake Report - Sep 4 2010 at 4:35 am (NZST)Magnitude 7.4, Saturday, September 4 2010 at 4:35 am (NZST), 30 km west of Christchurch.
Quake Details
Information about this earthquake:

Reference Number 3366146/G
Universal Time September 3 2010 at 16:35
NZ Standard Time Saturday, September 4 2010 at 4:35 am
Latitude, Longitude 43.54°S, 172.23°E
Focal Depth 33 km
Richter magnitude 7.4
Region Canterbury
Location 10 km south-east of Darfield
20 km east of Coalgate
30 km west of Christchurch

never was, never will be

do you guys have, like, a fucking club or something?

with little meetings and tiny agendas?

i mean, sewiusly

William S. Burroughs - The hipster be bop junkie

when i was 17 i used to like william s burroughs

friday flashback

i saw william s burroughs at pak 'n save tonight after the gym

lunch break

oh poor me

i get to go home for lunch and hang out and do interweb and eat treats and be in the sun

it's tremendously awful

sewiusly

wednesday playlist - three

this song reminds me of two different people, one of them being amberley

i like toast with real butter and bitter marmalade for supper

oh, this song also reminds me of ME

it sure is easy to forget what you learned

wednesday playlist - two

i really really really really really really really love my new job

wednesday playlist - one

tonight at work i got to drive the great big kickass 4 wheel drive

sorry corona

i always did like to be a cheater

wednesday playlist - one

tonight at work i got to drive the great big kickass 4 wheel drive

sorry corona

i always did like to be a cheater

rhys's pieces

hi rhys

happy birthday

it's been quite a year

i saw pavement again for the first time since we last saw them at sammy's in 1994, and i've managed to see the pixies twice (twice!) this year

i've seen heather a couple of times, but not nearly as much as i should - time tends to trip me up lately and blocks of it disappear into the ether

i've got a new job and some new friends

in some ways, things have never been better, but in other ways things seem to be getting worse

i'm just kind of going with the flow at this point

hope you're ok - i'm just going to keep pretending you live in wellington, if that's ok with you

you know how good i am with closure

love chirst

insult/injury

television - are you fucking kidding me?

just cut it the fuck out and give me a fucking break, ok?

sewiusly

"that's JUST what you're like"

ladies and gentlemen - i give you ME

chirstamaflintstone

do you know, i just had the strangest revelation

i realised, whilst looking in the mirror, if i scrunch my hair up on the top of my head

i look not too dissimilar to how i imagine pebbles flintstone would look if she was a real life person, in her mid thirties and wore glasses

sewiusly
yabba dabba doo

are you just cool but i'm just baked?

i'm just so relieved that it's over
we were hanging out going nowhere

air guitaring to james blunt on a monday night in the 'burbs
it's the new yoga/knitting/lolcats


it's sewius bizness indeed
so
cop on

television revision

two and half men

simon is to charlie as christine is to rose


this one time, not at band camp, i snorted an excellent sauvignon blanc out of my nose when i was watching two and a half men and charlie said "hop on, i'll race you to the finish"

sewius bizness indeed

lolcat of the day

vewwy sewius bizness indeed

and is it just me, or will this lolcat haunt your brain with it's hilarity?

yes

perhaps it IS just me

where is my mind?

i wish i could explain it

but god help me, i love this song

oh look - i did it again, i toats mcgoats forgot to check the link - so watch it here instead

sticks and rolling stone(r)s

this week i've been called:

1. a lolcat (two different people)
2. nurse zoe  (two different people - one the same as the lolcat calling)
3. bridget (one person - also implicated in teh lolcat)

you'd think i'd have more to write about

you really would

hard of harem

i bet she still looks for other boys at the same time

no one puts all their money on THAT horse

still gotta see it run, though, hey?

oh, righto - embedding disabled by request - click here then

atonement

wednesday

• boxing - 30 minutes

friday

• weights - 30 minutes

saturday

• advanced spin class - 90 minutes

anticipatory grief

oh god
oh god
oh god

i don't want to get up
getting up will make today happen and it's going to be oh so very hard for me
(in a whisper *so very hard*)

to begin with, i'm physically ruined.  i did hard out abs stuff with richard on wednesday (atonement to be updated - along with the 3 week diet recall, yes, yes, i know chirstmas is coming too, hold your waters) and now i'm still in pain.  actual pain.  and yet at midday i'll be back at the gym, paying richard to inflict yet more pain on me.  because there's not too many ways to stop being a great big ugly manatee of a girl, and this corporal punishment is one of them

but the worst thing, the thing that i've been doing a build up to over the last few days is this:  it's my very last day at my job on the ward i've worked on for the last 5 years.  gulp.

my last educator day was on tuesday, and today is the third of three afternoon shifts on the ward.  i thought it would be a bit sad and bit hard, but the last two afternoons have involved increasingly difficult goodbyes with people, and today is the great big guest-of-honour afternoon tea.  people are coming in on their days off and people haven't been able to mention it without getting teary over the last few days. 

i knew i fitted in pretty well at work, and i got on pretty well with most people.  i felt blessed to have such a good group of people to work with, and  a good handful of those people became close friends.  but the outpouring of love and sorrow in my direction over the recent past has been overwhelming. 

gulp

i AM excited about my new job, but leaving my very first grown up job where i've made so many friends and gained such vast experience (that allowed me to get said new job) is heartwrenching

oh god
oh god
oh god

i'm going to hide in bed for a little bit more and listen to tony bennett and think about everything that is breaking my heart

it's not a long list, but it's an acute list and it fucking hurts

"so it seems that i'm someone i've never met"

"things have changed for me, and that's okay
i feel the same, I'm on my way, and I say
things have changed for me, and that's okay…

i want to go where everyone goes
i want to know what everyone knows
i want to go where everyone feels the same

i never said I'd leave the city
i never said I'd leave this town
a falling out we won't tiptoe about"

nurse chirsty

oh, fuck me but i am so fucking tired and over it

i pick sitting here with an excellent bottle of jules taylor 09 sauvignon blanc augmented with a few choice goodies over the alternative that is only very occasionally somewhat available for a limited time after a great big mind fuck before and after

it's somewhat akin to being on the methadone program but still having a weekly (or fortnightly, it's never up to you) heroin binge but kidding yourself that you're clean, you're giving up, you can handle it, it's just a bit of fucking fun, man

it's not fucking fun, man

it will kill you

office space

oh hai

and welcome to the end of a little chunk of my life

for the last 18 months or so i have held a reasonably grown up post at the hospital as part time clinical nurse educator for my service.  i've also been part time senior rn on the ward, but managed to be fulltime AWESOME

and today was the last of my educmacator days  (*last*)

i had a lovely lunch out where i was the guest of honour, and i have been super productive all day.  it's been a looooooooooong day, given i got here just after 8am and it's now getting close to 8pm

i've thrown out approximately 7 trees worth of paper whilst throwing myself around to the live cd of the pixies concert i attended in auckland - i finally realised just how drunk i/we were when i discovered that the concert was twenty times as long as i remembered and the first song i recognised was quite near the end.  in a nice touch of circularity my screensaver in my (former) office is a picture of me, mygirlcarrie and her husband chirs outside vector arena pre-concert.  none of us remember having that photo taken, but jebus do we look like we're having fun.  this presages tuesday where we're all reuniting in chirstchurch to see the pixies again - hey!

so, i've been saying goodbyes all day and talking about the past and the present and the future, and i've even paid someone $85/hour for the privilege of doing the same

therefore, i think a little treat is in order in chirstamaphone world

tonight's forecast:

1. nice bottle of savignon blanc - i feel an astrolabe coming on
2. thai takeaways from thai hanoi - spare ribs and chicken tom kar, om nom nom
3. nurse jackie
4. marlboro lights

that's right - i'm gonna drink, eat, smoke and chill the fuck out

so, educator's office - kthxbai

recap the hurt

just to remind you, let's take a look at the exercise quotient for the last week:

1. monday - biking and strength testing
2. monday - spin class
3. wednesday - spin class
4. thursday - spin class
5. friday -strength testing and boxing
6. saturday - advanced spin class (aka revolutions of death whilst caning your core)

so, looking at this list there are very good reasons as to why i'm in a world of hurt right now

no, i really am

i'm lying in bed, and as soon as  i get remotely comfortable i have to change position and stretch

it takes about 2 minutes for the comfort to wear off

i'm like a stop motion animation

make sure you buy the action figure coming out soon

it'll be a hooT

atonement

• 
  
  advanced spin class - 90 min

bed or shower?

what

a

conundrum

there will have to be a regeneration on a massive scale

in order to be in tip top form for hitting the town tonight

captain picard says ":make it so"

kthxbai

atonement

• final fitness test - bench press 30kg 20 times
• boxing - 25 minutes

very
very
tired

atonement

• spin class - 50 min

and ha ha, stinky - other side of the class from YOU

atonement

• spin class - 50 min

and next time i won't sit behind that stinky stinky boy whose stench made me gag every time the fan made a pass *retch*

he should also get that giant sticky out mole i could see through his singlet checked out, too

i swear, it nearly needed it's own bike

atonement

1130

fitness testing, where i was categorised as "average", probably because this time i didn't have gastritis and i also managed to 
LEG PRESS 100KG 21 TIMES

1315

spin class - 50 minutes

1630

45 minute walk around ross creek

consequently, i am very, very tired

i've lived it up a bit much over the weekend, and two nights of 4 hours sleep doesn't cut it
so tonight i might go to bed at 2030

if i can stay up that long

atonement

atonement is cancelled today due to gastritis

thank you

atonement

wednesday

• spin class (50 min) with two complimentary cramps for two calves (mine)

thursday

• demoralizing fitness testing whereby i get categorised as "poor"
• 20 min on the crosstrainer with my heart rate 180+

i don't know why it's called the cross trainer and why i should have to use it
i'm plenty cross already and i don't need any fucking training in it

so in general, universe, get fucked and fuck off, ok?  good

atonement

ok, so today held a trick or three

first of all there was the humiliating measurements and assessments

• 
  
  height
• 
  
  weight
• 
  
  bmi
• 
  
  blood pressure
• 
  
  measurements of every possible chirstcumference (i TOLD myresa my right calf was bigger than the left calf, i told her, i told her)
• 
  
  fat pinching
• 
  
  photographs (front, side on and back views) taken in bike shorts and crop top

and then there was

• 
  
  spin bike class (45 minutes)

and the eating and the planning and the denial went swimmingly well until later on tonight when i realised i was into my third glass of wine and cigarettes may or may not have been smoked and there was a bowl in the kitchen that had the remnants of raspberry icecream and choc magic incriminatingly melted onto it

i only stopped paying rigorous attention to myself for one minute and look what happened

just LOOK

it's true

i AM my own worst enemy

ring a ding ding

dear universe

so, i cleaned my room up yesterday - quite completely and comprehensively

now, my favourite rings weren't to be found in there, as i knew they wouldn't be

you KNOW where they are, as well do i

SO GIVE THEM THE FUCK BACK

okibye

chirst

(ps i also can't find my swarovski knock-off earrings, but i know they're not with the rings, so i'll just keep looking for them.  the rings though, if i were you i'd get right on that.  srsly)

atonement

wednesday

• spin biking class - 50 min (apparently we were doing the 9000th stage of the fucking tour de hell, if you believe the abiding crippling calf cramp i'm still contending with today - oh watch this space in a few days when i announce i've got a deep vein thrombosis)

thursday

• crosstrainer - 15 minutes
• boxing - 30 minutes

friday

• was supposed to be a 30 minute boxing session but actually it was 15 minutes on the crosstrainer and 15 minutes walking at incline on the treadmill while richard convinced me to enter this competition which is sort of like the biggest loser where you can win $5000 but the first (of many) catches and challenges is having your photo taken in bike pants and crop top on monday and then commencing a 20 week (five!  fucking!  months!) "challenge" (read: sentence) of food diaries, training regimes, punishing workouts, weigh ins, measuring and general merriment

but suck it scales - 3kg less in a week.  how?  don't know and don't give a good goddamn

ringmaster

dear universe

please send my rings back to me.  i misplaced them somewhere last week.  you know - the clear plastic one with silver glitter in it and the black and white glass one?  that's right, the grown up ones!

anyway, they mean a lot to me and i'd really like them back

plzkthxbai

atonement

• spin class - 45 min

and those bastard scales say awful things to me

bastards

atonement

thursday

• walking on treadmill - 15 minutes
• boxing - 30 minutes

friday

• walking on treadmill - 15 minutes
• boxing - 30 minutes

this morning during boxing i felt a little questionable and i had to ask richard if he would like to see some weetbix, and he declined so i kept them on the inside

and today the world doesn't love me like it did up until 2257 last night

today everybody hates chirs

given the choice, given the heart

i have stayed up far too late in my little world these last few nights

(ha ha, the funniest thing i have heard all week was when i was visiting bajoolies, and she said something to my brother as he passed by the living room and he leaned into the room and indicated the two of us with a wagging index finger and announced "ewww, don't try and drag me into your little world". it still keeps making me laugh, even now and yesiamberley and i have been saying it to each other and perspiring with hilarity because we're super grown up and mature. and awesome? yes, correct, advance to the next round)

and now i'm finally, finally FINALLY in my awesome bed
(when i get into my awesome bed i have to make a sound like a wookiee and then say "i love you, bed" out loud )

wearing my REM tour '05 t shirt

exactly how i will be a shiny happy person at 0645 tomorrow (which is really today, urgh) and ready to be Super Grown Up between 0730 - 1600 is something i will leave for tomorrow chirst to worry about. she'll have it sorted. she'd also better remember to pack my gym bag for after work boxing or there'll be trouble. you'd better believe it

so, what will tomorrow bring?

look, if i knew that i'd be rich enough to fund fun school - a concept that has been exciting and overstimulating a good many people in chirstamaphone world these last couple of days

so i guess i will wait and see

it's well known i like suprises     

it's well known i like NICE  surprises

atonement

monday

• spin class (45 min)

wednesday

• spin class (45 min)

to get through those 45 minutes of extreme cycling i like to compose screenplays in my head for my groundbreaking television series

i mean, who doesn't?

7/7

it's been a whole week since i posted anything
you'd really think i would have written something else by now
it's not like i haven't got anything to say
i've got tons of things to tell you
heaps
plenty
oodles
and i've been promising yesiamberley that i will write her a whole post

but instead i'm in bed with the blanky on 3
watching pavement videos
and avoiding about 4 segments of my life

bear with me, though

there's a new revolution happening and it's taking up a bit of my time

the eclair of my eye

i watched a random episode of 'skins' tonight - random because it was in the middle of season 4, and in chirstworld i've only made it up to the end of season 2. so i have no idea who was who, or what was happening on any significant level, but i still liked it


i watched some of it with princess fiona, who came over for dinner, and she brought HOME MADE CHOCOLATE ECLAIRS!! home made and filled with fresh cream and iced with fresh chocolate icing - om nom nom nom

she brought with her a veritable surfeit of eclairs because she thought i might like to share the remainder with someone else. she is a good person, and she likes to try and see the good in other people. this good - sometimes there's little of it, and it's very diffuse and erratic, so for her to spell this out as her intention and plan for me to enact showed how much she believes in the potential of a situation that really is repetitive and futile.


so after said offering was predictably refused in a charmless fashion, princess fiona and i watched 'skins' together. now, it was very similar to that iconic scene in 'say anything' where lloyd dobler serenades the object of his affection.


in 'skins' this boy, jj, who was a bit of an oddball, gathered a ukelele orchestra together to woo the girl he loved. now, from what i could gather, he had loved her from afar for a while and then he'd cocked it up a bit, so he wanted to make this grand gesture of love.

and it worked

the grand gesture ALWAYS works in the movies and on tv

but in real life it's too hard and too scary and far too open to scorn, ridicule and terrible searing humiliation

it's way the fuck too scary

you'd only do it as a last ditch attempt or if you were reasonably sure that it would work and if your small and medium gestures had been enthusiastically received and duly reciprocated instead of disapppearing into a black hole of ingratitude

which is a pity, because i think i'd have a flair for the kick ass, pull the stops out, no holds barred grand romantic gesture to end all romantic gestures

guess we'll never know

atonement

• spin biking class - 45 minutes (modelled on stage 7 of the tour de france)

thought i was going to have some sort of catastrophic event during the class today

it was the first class of the 6 week spin class challenge at the gym - at least 12 classes in 6 weeks and you get a free t shirt

(free, but it's gonna cost ya some on the way, savvy?)

sorry to the cute boys on the left, diagonal far right and directly behind me
i thought i was a bit smoother and a bit less odiferous and a bit more in shape that in actual fact i was
bet you're all glad i didn't have that panic/asthma/dying attack that i really thought was going to happen from the 7th minute of the class - i actually had an escape plan formulated

i'll remember my towel next time and that puddle i dripped on the floor from my head won't be quite so big

look, can we all just agree to make the next few weeks a montage and all the pain and sweating and unprettiness will be over, and i'll be triumphant and lean and curiously younger? 

thanks, i knew you'd see it my way XX

atonement

• running on treadmill - 5 minutes
• boxing - 30 minutes

atonement

• 15 minute walk on the treadmill
• 5 minute run on the treadmill (with added tears)
• 30 minute boxing session

i found my contact lenses as soon as i got home - i'd sweated and dripped and fogged all over my smart girl lisa loeb specs
and i found my gym membership card
and i'm now signed up to another gym challenge

endorphins are our friends

under the bell jar

i'm so good

i'm just so fucking good at looking after myself when i'm depressed

it snuck right the fuck up this time
and hit with unprecedented malice

like a blitzkrieg of a black hole

perhaps the 9 hours sleep spread over a 72 hour period in the weekend hastened and abetted the strike, which admittedly has been somewhat presaged by indicators i've been stalwartly trying to ignore

anyway, it'll be ok

it's just very tedious and draining

so i rented some movies to watch as a distraction

just you try and tell me these aren't the top five pick-me-ups of all time:

• into the wild
• requiem for a dream
• blow
• the basketball diaries
• magnolia

damn sophie's choice and watership down for being out

damn them to hell

awful bliss

"guaranteed sweetness that you thought broken

and you were not fine"

i'm not planning on sleeping anytime ever again, apparently

i'm still up (aside from 4 hours between 8 - 12 sunday morning) from my night shift that started at 2245 on saturday night that i only had broken 5 hours sleep before going to

i've been feasting on skins season 2, abe's bagel crisps (garlic), cadbury's fruit 'n nut chocolate, sprite zero and assorted other things i can lay my mitty mitty hands on while cocooned on my island

at least there's comfort in familiarity

even if it breeds (self) contempt

vitality

• T - 37.0
• P - 70 (reg)
• R - 17/min
• BP - 120/73
• sp02 - 98% RA

identity crisis (tv)

• cassie (skins)
• jackie (nurse jackie)
• ted (how i met your mother)
• liz (30 rock)
• meg (family guy)
• wilson (house)
• j.d (scrubs)
• carrie (sex and the city)
• eric (entourage)
• claire (six feet under)
• evan (the secret life of us)
• egg (this life)
• angela (my so called life)
• lisa (the simpsons)
• lindsay (freaks and geeks)
• joey (dawson's creek)
• velma (scooby doo)
• maggie (northern exposure)
• abby (e.r)
• darlene (roseanne)
• julia (party of five)

atonement

• boxing - 30 minutes

and i had to do giant big scary jumps
and i ran so fast i nearly threw up
but i did not

atonement

• boxing - 30 minutes
• pilates - 60 minutes

i feel less than ideal

and my hindenburg tonsil has grown it's own mini-me

urgh

and i just found chocolate melted onto my duvet cover

who in the hell put that there?

WHO?

lolcat of the day

oh yes

this works on so many levels

but you have to be fat, single and hungry to appreciate it

as if anyone's the trifecta of desperation

oh

wait

just

a

cotton

pickin'

minute

y'all

first of june - southern hemisphere

i snorted with amusement when i first saw this on teh interwebs

it reminds me of one of my favourite parts of 'reality bites' when ethan hawke as troy dyer answers the phone by saying "hello, you've reached the winter of our discontent"

and he angrily sings a violent femmes song at winona ryder's character

because he secretly loves her but he's all bothered and twisty inside, man

i wanted to be janeane garofalo's character, vickie - fat, sassy, smart and sarky

she had  a kickass music knowledge and killer one-liners

and was just the teensiest bit promiscuous

atonement

yesterday i walked the pineapple track with jenny from work
i chose to wear my black gym leggings with my multicoloured knee socks over the top

• to the start of the track from jenny's - 5km
• pineapple track - 5km
• end of track back to jenny's - 3km

so, if you do the math, you can quite clearly see that i walked approximately 93km

pineapples don't grow there, though

i checked

the queen of corona

monday, in the corona

EXQUISITELY LOUD

"i got a lot of things to do

a lot of places to go

i've got a lot of good things coming my way

and i'm afraid to say that you're not one of them"

lolcat of the day

this is me
this cat, with it's head in a bag of fud - it's me

i was doing ok for a while after i came back from my awesome holiday in chch and then recovered from the terrible cold i promptly contracted

but then the dysthymia kicked in
and the stress at work
and the mid life crisis
and the delicate birthday paradigm
and something else started up again
and the last week where i had no less than 5 social engagements to fulfill

so i decided that tomorrow, which is technically today (this keeps happening to me) it stops

i have to stop with the eating everything that isn't nailed down and i have to start with the rigorous punishing exercise

AGAIN

so today, and yesterday, and somewhat the day before - i've been eating everything and anything i want
and even some things that i don't
i certainly wasn't being treatwise

it's like addicts that get loaded on the way to rehab

but tomorrow i am walking the pineapple track with jenny from work
and
i have a slow cooker full of vegetable soup simmering in the kitchen

so suck it, universe

suck it good

the queen of corona

today, in the corona

transcendentally loud

"how can i? how can i?

how can i make my body shed for you?"

three quarter saturbeday

i spent a lot of today in bed.  in fact, i'd go so far as to say i spent 75% of today in bed

i went out with mygirlcarrie last night, and despite having to go home at 12.15am because of the tiredness, i had a great time and managed to consume nearly a week's worth of alcohol units in one night.  it really is the way we're drinking, isn't it?

i stopped at the tai ping on the way to the taxi stand, and  i cuddled my little parcel of warmth all the way home.  because dude, it was fucking freezing last night!

when i got home i quickly made my way into pyjamas and polar fleece dressing gown, and hopped into bed with the electric blanket on, all set to devour my treats and some of season 2 of 'the big bang theory'.  now, this was all fine and dandy until i woke up at 3.30am, sitting bolt upright, ass warmed to within an inch of it's life and the theme song from big bang on loop.  no wonder i was having extremely strange dreams!

so today, i got up late, and went to hell pizza to fetch more treats (look, this is because monday is the start of the new deprivation and exercise regime.  it'll either kill me or make me look and feel awesome - either's good by me) and returned to my bed and watched 'bad boys' with martin lawrence and will smith.  i watched it very very loud and it was great.  you can't beat a michael bay directed jerry bruckheimer production for guns, men without shirts running in slow motion, gun battles, explosions, car chases/wrecks and explosions.  tons and tons of explosions.  th eonly thing that would have made it better was if i could have watched it on my 42 inch lcd true hd tv that i haven't bought myself and also haven't hooked up to my as yet unpurchased home theater system

this evening i went to a jewellery party at mykaryn's.  it was very nice and i took my bajoolies and we had a very good time.  i also spent half of my birthday money on a necklace and a ring for myself.  and in the corona the way home i played bajoolies some pavement and tried to infect her with my enthusiasm for the sordid sentinels.  i really am obsessed at the moment.  once i finish this and shut the pretty acer down and i'm waiting patiently for my herbal insomnia relieving tablets (they're as big as bricks!  truly!) to work, i'm going to read a book about a guy who was obsessed with guided by voices (excellent lo fi band) - we have the same taste in music, and it's cool to read books about cool bands that i know

tomorrow (which is really today - i think i'm at risk for day/night reversal here) i hope to tidy up my room a bit.  it's getting a bit out of control.  i'd also like to address the unstable pile gaining momentum in the corona.  i left the driver's window slightly down on friday night, thus the moisture content of the vehicle is unsatisfactorily high 

and then i want to make some soup

soup will fix the litany of woes i've neglected to catalogue here

the queen of corona

yesterday, in the corona

unfeasibly loud

repeated a millionty times as i negotiated the rainy wet friday afternoon traffic

"i talked to him last night

he hates my guts, we had a fight"

the queen of corona

today, in the corona
oh so VERY loud
"and i'm the only one who laughs
at your jokes when they are so bad
and your jokes are always bad
but they're not as bad as this"
sigh

past, (wedding) present, future

i am up far too late for it to be good for anyone at all

and i'm looking through the past via youtube, and then i found this

mygirlcarrie and i love the wedding present

i used to listen to the wedding present all the time with rhys in 1992 - we played a lot of hit parade 1 on vinyl, and watched a lot of 'dick york's wardrobe' on VHS

this is a nice little song, and david gedge is still wicked cool awesome

and i like the way i look in my red dress and boots, finally realising my dream of playing guitar in a creditable indie rock band

see - all good things come to those who wait

you hear that, universe?

ALL GOOD THINGS to THOSE WHO WAIT

lolcat of the day

i'm still up from yesterday

so in chirstworld,  it's still monday

sigh

it's ALWAYS monday

the queen of corona

monday, in the corona

VERY LOUD

"you think it's easy but you're wrong

i am not one half of the problem"

atonement

• walk on treadmill - 5 minutes
• boxing - 30 minutes

but i got points for identifying the event i'm going to train for

i'll save these points up and trade them in

periodic table

the temptation to get into (another) email vendetta is incredibly strong

but

(apply resigned tone here)

i'll

be

the

grown up

friday, i'm (not) in love

tonight i decided to retire to my awesome bed for the evening and watch movies and eat junk food.  this was in response to several situations, which i shall outline for you thus:

• i was still feeling a little under the weather after getting food poisoning last night after going out for dinner and consuming vietnamese seafood broth.  this was delicioso and comforting at the time, especially since i have a cold,  but by 2am this morning i really felt less than ideal, and poor chirsty spent a reasonable amount of time talking down the great white telephone

• when i sat up and reached over to get my glasses when i was sick in the middle of the night, i knocked over my glass of just juice tropical bubbles lite directly onto the multi power board, which immediately started making a fizzing and crackling sound.  so at the same time i was retching, i was hurriedly trying to cut the power to the extension cord and minimise the possibility of electrocution and/or electrical fire and/or localised apocalypse

• i am old and alone with nobody to love me and mice will eat my face in my sleep

• today i had to try on bridesmaid dresses with the other bridesmaid who is 22 years old and a size 6 

so, i rented "zombieland" because i love it, and i had read about "away we go" in my empire magazine just last night, so i had to get that when i saw it on the shelf

now, zombieland was even more awesome than the first time round, and not just because there was no sexual tension a la third date distraction like the last time, but because i knew when my favourite and best parts were coming up.   i could notice a whole lot of other stuff that i missed the first time because i thought i was going to hold hands with that boy, or that he might try and touch my leg.  but it was also kind of sad and hollow, because i really miss having someone to share this kind of cool movie with. 

away we go was really lovely and funny and sweet and quirky and beautiful.  and it made me cry because of all those thing, but it also shows exactly what i want, what i'm missing in my life and what i can't do a damn thing about getting.  the scenes that really got to me in regard to that empty and lacking part of my life were the ones when verona and burt are lying face to face, really close, talking and laughing and touching and making jokes.  i miss creating that exclusive world that you don't share with anyone else, that tiny world for two that exists just for the pair of you.

see, the thing is, you're supposed to be happy with your job, your career, your friends, your extra curricular activities.  it's not cool to say you really want something you have very little control over getting, and that the other stuff is just a distraction from what you're really wanting.  when that's what you want, it's what you seem to see everywhere. 

there's probably a lolcat about it, you know.  and it's not this one

the queen of corona

today, in the corona

EXCEPTIONALLY LOUD

repeated approximately 17 times whilst negotiating book sale traffic and parking buildings

"but if you're willing to call my machine

flip the coins and watch me light up"

atonement

i was running super late for the ghyme, because i was looking at fml

so

• chirstrainer - 4 min
• boxing - 30 min

and when i had to do thirty thousand million punches without stopping i made a sound like a wookiee

which is also the same sound i make when i get into a very hot and fabulous shower after boxing

the queen of corona

today, in the corona

very loud

"i can't confront you, i never could do"

atonement

i'm a little bit tired after all my high powered scientific research today, so i'll be succinct

• bike - 8km
• boxing - 30 min
• bike - 14 km

and for the second year in a row i got to finish the world fitness centre adventure race for green team

and yes, as i clicked over that final kilometre reading i raised my arms up in the "woo hoo"! for the virtual photographers who were swarming over me, to post my picture in the "imaginary times"

mirror images

i might sub rachel weisz in for my shift this afternoon and see if anyone notices

atonement

 

i really have underestimated how hard it is to get out of my awesome bed on a crisp saturday morning after working late shift the night before

 

it gets harder when you decide to eat your healthy pre-ghyme breakfast of diet pears, diet yoghurt and special k in front of season 3 of '30 rock'

 

anyway

• walk/run on treadmill - 7km

and i may have made a new ghyme friend

huzzah!

six feet and taller

nate fisher does not like girls with messy rooms

atonement

i really, really, really wanted to do an hour of biking before the boxing
but my bed was too awesome
so i stayed in bed far too long and thought great big deep thoughts (AS ALWAYS)
therefore

• biking - 10 km
• boxing - 30 min

now, it looks so little to say "boxing - 30 min"  but embedded within that session are the following

• push ups (full) - 50
• step ups - 50 EACH SIDE
• swiss ball roll outs - 50

and now i am making some very excellent progress in my room like a grown up
not at all like a teenage boy
not at all like the teenage boy of the gym owner who also has an untidy room

i am totally rocking it - maturity styles

in your face, universe

atonement

• walk/run on treadmill - 5km
• lat pull downs (30kg) - 50
• seated row (24kg) -50

soup and toast for tea
the fixings are in the kitchen
i'm pretty tired, so could someone please make it for me?

naughty birthday pixie

this is the naughty birthday pixie who possessed me on saturday night

she drank approximately 900 drinks (there is photographic evidence suggesting this might be a somewhat conservative estimate)

she ate a lot of excellent chinese food at the asian on moray place

she indulged in excellently choreographed dance presentations (i'm considering whether i'm going to post that clip or not....hmmmm....)

she also indulged in naughty birthday pixie shenanigans, hijinks, antics, malarkey and capers

and

she had a bloody awesome time

although it did take her until monday morning to recover from the bloody awesome hangover

and wearing sunglasses at 5pm on an overcast sunday night to her family birthday dinner made her two and a bit year old nephew say "i'm wearing my sunglasses cos i want to be a cool dude like aunty chirsty"

the only down points were when she did manage to lose my old lady magnifying piece of plastic from my purse - and also the girl at kfc the next day didn't like how my visa card was all sticky with drink

so, until next year

thank you, naughty birthday pixie :)

atonement

miraculously, i was shiny bright today after the extreme hijinks partaken in on saturday night

yesterday i was sure i had killed too many braincells to function as a productive member of society

so, to counteract the caloric damage from the 900 drinks i had on saturday i decided i'd better go back to the gym today

• run/walk on treadmill - 7km
• boxing - 30 minutes

in the boxing session i did 55 press ups!!!!! during this time i created a little sweatmonster family on the mat, complete with baby sweatmonster, daddy sweatmonster and pet duck

they like to go to the park for excursions

good grief

i kind of feel weird about my birthday, because the anniversary of my mother's death is the day after - therefore they're forever and inextricably linked

- initially cemented together by spending the entirety of my 14th in the hospital

inevitably i try and do something elaborate and entertaining and distracting for my birthday, which usually means i can blame my shithouse mood the next day on my hangover rather than face the fact that twenty one years later i still miss my mum

this year the calendar has aligned in such a way that i get the in-your-face triple play :

friday 7 may - chirst's birthday

saturday 8 may - jan's anniversary

sunday 9 may - mother's day

i also like to try and take three or four days off work around this time to incorporate the drinking and denial. this year, with a cunning combination of rostered days off, stat days in lieu and one single annual leave day i've managed to finagle six days off in a row, which has been great

i spent the evening of my birthday eating junk food, wearing my cool new earrings and watching "how i met your mother" with bajoolies, which was fantastically hilarious

for tonight i've amassed an eclectic group of very awesome and amazing women to go forth to the asian in moray place to eat, drink and be merry with me, which will act dually as a birthday celebration and somewhat of a cushion against the everpresent undertow of someone missing

i just have to gather the ingredients for pre-dinner cosmopolitans (there'd better be limes aplenty to be found tomorrow, dunedin, that's all i can say), tidy my room, zip myself into my party frock and i'll be ready to repress in style

sunday though - that might be the tricky one to stick for the landing

kiss the wine

ok - you know i had to do it - here is my terror twilight trio, truly - the third thing

this is much more like what being 35 will be like once i get up and stop languishing/festering in bed and thinking about far too many things altogether

more fun and more happy and more friends and more wine and more everything that can be currently located in my immediate vicinity - "relationships, hey hey hey"

staying in bed and hiding doesn't mean it's not happening, so i might as well be more engaged in it

and.......................go!

honey i'm a prize and you're a catch and we're a perfect match

this video is what it's like to turn 35

everything is not as shiny and bright and bouncy and happy as you thought it would be, like it has been other times

the colours are a bit washed out and tired, just like your own jaded good self

and so this is terror twilight trio, truly, take two

"i've been thinking long and hard about the things you said to me, like a bitter stranger"

too much thinking, so

"pour me out"

in fact, pour me out at pier 24

they have excellent astrolabe sauvignon blanc and i swear, i hear it calling my name from here