it's a wrap

oh, look

the more things change, the more they stay the same

i'm in exactly the same place

watching the same music countdown

with the same 600 year old dog as last year

alone again, naturally

and the more and more i try to drink, the less and less drunk i feel

s'okay, though

sophie and i entertained some people a little earlier, in a most respectable fashion

and now she's having the briefest of lie downs in order to be well rested for the dancing storm she knows is coming

so, goodbye, 2009

you were pretty interesting

up and down to be sure, but admittedly never boring

and i've had some good tales to tell

so byes

florence and the machine - kiss with a fist

little miss

if you're feeling terrible and sick and wretched and have been for over three weeks

stay in bed on your one day off after working six in a row

eat a whole large packet of sour cream and chives chips

half a box of favourites chocolates

for breakfast

and watch sunshine cleaning

you'll need the remainder of the nice, soft tissues because you will bawl your fucking eyes out for nearly two hours

$85 a week is never going to buy your way out of some of the past, so just get used to it

santa baby

dear santa

thanks for noticing how extremely very good i've been this year - particularly in the last three months. i just wanted to express my gratitude for the two big things that have come into my life recently - surely you were behind this kind of karmic generosity? sure you were!

thank you for my bike - i love it and i go to the shed and talk to it most days because i've been too sick to ride it for the last fortnight

thank you for my boyfriend - he is lovely and just what i wanted! how did you know, santa, how did you know?

i don't want to seem ungrateful, but i don't thank you for the h1n1 novel influenza virus i got last week. i still feel about a half past dead, and am operating at about 30% capacity. it's putting a real kink in the bike riding, sea kayaking and kite surfing i wanted to try, and when i left work today i had to sit down on the corner for ten minutes to avoid some sort of complete systems failure. the silver lining, i guess, is that i quit smoking nearly two weeks ago. funny how you can just decide to give up something that's not good for you and do it without making a big deal out of it.

so, thanks santa. i'm appreciative and grateful and happy

fly safe - there's a million checkpoints at this time of year, and only a bloody idiot drinks and flies magical sleighs

love(d up) chirst

lolcat of the day

here's the thing

12 days of reasonably high dose prednisone is going to leave you a little fragmented

so

hold on for one more day

and anticipate that

great

big

crash

2 degrees of separation

sorry vodafone

you're out

i've moved on

i know it sounds a bit harsh, but i need you to understand

it's finally over

and

there's a new cellular mobile telephone network in my life

i'm taking the number, though

cause now i get, i get what i want

bye

experiential experimental

so, just for shits and giggles

and also because the subject is clinically unwell enough for a long enough time

put all of these in one person

STAT

• budesonide/eformoterol (200/6) 4 inh tds
• salbutamol (100mcg) 2 inh up to qid prn
• prednisone (40mg) po od
• theophylline (250mg) po bd
• nedocromil sodium (2mg) 2 inh q4H
• loratadine (10mg) po od

it's grand, i tell you

especially since with all these wonderful compounds i've now realised that I am

(yet always have been)

1. omnipotent
2. omnipresent
3. omniscient

so, yeah, i was right all along

i CAN see through time

atonement

monday

20 minutes treadmill - alternating run/walk
30 minute boxing session that does not break open freshly healed elbow

monday is weigh day, you know
so yesterday being monday i hopped on the scales, and i smiled a big, big smile :)
and then richard looked at the scales
and bloody hell
he cracked a big grin too :)

here's the thing that i can't stop thinking about

i weigh exactly 35kg less than i did four years ago

man, i am one boring person to listen to/read about at the moment
and yet
homercles cares not for beans

and also there's some undisclosure happening here
actually, let's amend that to a fairly substantial amount of undisclosure

case closed

atonement

thursday:

sea kayaking - 1.5 hours (don't fear the critters in the water. they're probably fish - i've heard that's where they hang out)

friday:

treadmill - 15 minutes (random running and walking pattern)
crosstrainer - 15 minutes
boxing circuit - 30 minutes

you'll realise you've probably overdone it lately when you have to stop at the end of the second round of the circuit, unsure as to whether you will throw up, black out or stop breathing. just take a wee breather - and then you can finish the third round and go to work - yay!

the new adventures of old chirstine

hey
guess what i'm doing on thursday?
no, not that
oh, yeah, but maybe that
but this for sho'
kayaking

past chirst is like "dude, kayaking and mountainbiking, seriously?" and present chirst is like "yup. just sink back into fat hell there, past chirst, we're all about the heha and the pushing play these days"

and very cute boys who are sporty and outdoorsy. we're very much about them too

best date movie 2009

fuck

i

love

this

movie!

love

love

love

it!

this is my new favourite movie, and did i happen to mention i love it? it's that instant feeling when you're watching a movie that it's the right fit, and you're going to be bestest friends with it for like totally forever. so, check out this review, and maybe also have a wee look over here. and here's a wee trailer too. sigh.

if i had to put some big grown up words around describing it, i would have to go with "totally fucking kickass coolness"

and it's just as well i've done all that atonement, because "the first rule of Zombieland: Cardio. When the zombie outbreak first hit, the first to go, for obvious reasons, were the fatties"

so, being a fit looking nurse with a brain, i'd like to think i'd nut up rather than shut up, and grab me some firepower

atonement

yesterday:

walk/run alternating minutes on treadmill: 15 min
stationary bike: 15 min

new weights/ strength program where you are so amazed and proud that you can leg press 80kg

booyah!

self possession

i got to do secret birthday stuff with my sister today, which was fun

and then i was STARVING hungry

so i went to velvet burger and ate a velvet burger

and while i was there

i noticed that my exact same brand new bike was fixed to the wall, ready to be won in a competition

and they started playing death cab for cutie's "i will possess your heart" on the stereo, loud

and i thought, "hey, chirst world is pretty cool right now"

because it is

:)

lolduck of the day

sometimes you just need to take the plunge

the leap of faith

dive on in

ok

alrighty, then

here i go......

atonement

5km bike to gym
30 minutes boxing
5km bike home

gymjuries sustained today:

• bruise on front of shin from where i accidentally (as if i'd do it on purpose) walked into the toilet
• new friction burn on top of old nearly healed one from prone holds

and ha ha, it was funny cos i biked around the corner from anzac ave to the gym, and a lady quickly ran back to her car and started rubbing off the chalk mark on her tyre because in my dayglo yellow jacket she thought i was the parking warden. snorfl

past lives

with my owies and my hurties and my bruises i took to my awesome bed and watched 'land of the lost'(2009)
and it was very funny
and i laughed ha ha ha out loud

hothead

it was very sunny this evening

and it looked for all the world like my hair was on fire

but don't worry

it wasn't really

because i'm not an x/watch man

i did, however, get called a geek by two different people today

but that's okay by me

because

the geek shall inherit the earth

atonement

15km bike ride

people on bikes seem to be nice smiley people who tend to talk to you

and i put my own lights on my own bike

and i ring ring ringed my bell and talked to my bike like a crazy lady

ding

atonement

weights/strength program

and tonight, for the final go at my program, it was dictated that the following adjustments were made:

• kettlebell swing - increase weight to 10kg
• lat pulldown - increase weight to 39kg
• calf raise - increase weight to 54kg
• single leg pike - do it properly this time and not the way that made richard laugh at you the other day
• squat jumps - 15 instead of 10

my dodgy knee seemed to be ok tonight, so i did get back on the evil machine of death i mean the stepper for the prescribed 10 minutes at the end. the only thing that kept me going was 'the power of love' by huey lewis and the news as i accidentally said swear words out loud - the way i kept time with that song was just, well, words fail me (they probably failed several other people watching, too)

so goodbye, current weights program. don't feel bad or like it was your fault when you see me with a new program next week

we've just grown apart, is all

on yer bike

i thought i was just going to have a wee look around

but today i bought myself

my
very
own
bike

it's so cool and tough and pretty and i love it

so tomorrow i will pack my backpack and catch the bus to work in the morning and in the afternoon go back to the cycle surgery where it was born and ride it home

i probably won't need to wear my dayglo cycling jacket and bike helmet on the bus, though

probably

atonement

run on treadmill - 12 minutes (2km)
rower - 8 minutes
boxing - 30 minutes

gymjuries sustained today:

• bruise on back of arm from when i elbowed the toilet paper dispenser when i was pulling up my leggings

i did a circuit boxing session with richard today, and when the sweat dripped down my face and onto the floor he said "if you want results, you've got to sweat" so naturally i had to say in my best irene cara voice, whilst strutting around banging my invisible dance cane, "you want fame, well fame costs! and right here is where you start paying, in sweat!"

and he had no idea what i was talking about. just like when i tried to point out that we were just like peekay and solly goldman

oh and p.s i lost 2.1kg in a week and i don't care who saw my victory jig after i got off the scales

dish of the day

300g boneless chicken breast
200g prawn cutlets (cooked and thawed)
2 pouches of steam fresh vegies (broccoli, carrot and snow pea)
1 bunch of fresh asparagus
1 pouch microwaveable brown rice
light & free honey mustard dressing

nuke the rice at the same time you're stir frying the chopped up chooken and the de-tailed prawns in a black cast iron frypan
at the same time be microwaving the first and second pouches of vegies
chop up the asparagus and par boil it

now - mix it all together in a big bowl
drizzle your creation with light & free honey mustard dressing and churn it up
eat half of it for lunch
pack the other half to take for dinner at work

delicioso

(turn a very deaf ear to the packet of tim tams in the pantry. they're evil, pure and simple, and they'll lead you well astray)

a midnight doddy

atonement

crank this song up in the corona for the rock out on the way to the gym
(window down, sunroof open and sunglasses on - mandatory, gesturing in time to the music at pedestrians and other motorists - optional but encouraged)

run on treadmill - 7 minutes @ 9.5 speed (testing out that dodgy knee)
walk on treadmill - 8 minutes @ 6.5 speed
bike - 20 minutes
boxing - 30 minutes

the sweatiest part was when i had to do 20 uppercuts, 10 pressups, 20 uppercuts, 9 pressups, 20 uppercuts, 8 pressups and so on until i moaned and groaned out the solitary last one

lucky i have my special sweat band

food diary analysis reveals that i'm not quite back on the road to fat hell again, but obviously there's some room for tiny improvements

just wee ones

lolcat of the day

i lufs him too

i would luf him even more if he was here to cook for the guest princess at the caversham palace who is going to succumb to the delights of the mayflower takeaway after a VERY STRESSFUL DAY

atonement

weights/strength program that i can now rip through in 1 hour 15 min

i've also increased my weights in some areas:

kettlebell swing - 8kg
lat pulldown - 36kg
calf raise - 40kg
tricep extension - 24kg
squat and press - 16kg on the bar

and this song is perfect to be strutting to at 6.5 speed on the treadmill when the gym hottie who looks like denny from grey's anatomy comes and uses the rower in front of you

you're gonna make me go wooo hoooo oooooooooh

atonement

1200

25 minute stationary bike (15km)
30 minute boxing session (abs and arms, because something dodgy is happening to my knee)

1800

business house fun run/walk - 5km at a right quick smart pace

weighs and means

monday isn't baking day

oh noes

monday is weigh day

sigh

sunday night sulk

i am going to put clean, crisp and comforting 400 thread count white egyptian cotton sheets on my bed
i have purchased in anticipation of consumption in bed

• pinky bars (2) - currently in the freezer
• weight watchers toffee pecan sundaes (2)
• light butter microwave popcorn
• 18 pack of sprite zero (it is not predicted that i will consume all 18 tonight)

and i am going to get into bed and watch i love you, man and pretend that paul rudd is my boyfriend

atonement

following work 0700 - 1515 -

1530

weights/strength program that you share with myresa

1830

3.5km walk asquith to douglas

things i have learned today:

• my job is sometimes very hard
• google maps may know the most direct route, but certainly not the best route for my life
• 3 amazing, cool, funny, real and true women can make short work of 5 bottles of sauvignon blanc
• i really, really, really want tomorrow evening to have a positive outcome. like, srsly
• accidentally on purpose i have become serious about competing in a triathlon in february
• the way i see myself (past and present) really isn't how others (have) see/n me

atonement

15 minute measuring and fat pinching session
15 minute boxing session
10 minutes on crosstrainer

incriminating documents surrendered today:

• the stoopid food diary that tells no lies is squealing it's secrets to richard over the weekend. ruh oh, shaggy - it's out of my hands

lolcat of the day

portion control - evidence in stoopid food diary that tells no lies

evidence of portion control - form fitting dress purchased today to wear with my new hair out tomorrow night

hair, dress, leggings, knee high boots, oh my

"pretty lame, milhouse"

i found a new hole in the interweb to fall down

last night i thought i was being so considerate because i was listening to itunes on my laptop through my headphones at 1am so as not to disturb my flatmate

but then i laughed out terribly loud at something on lamebook. "ha ha ha", laughed the chirst very loudly

and then i think i heard some disgruntlement in the house

and now i'm still in bed reading it and almost crying from the hilarity

but i need to get up and go to the hairdresser to get some new flashness on my head

ok, just a bit more

atonement

weights/strength program(me)
stretching with incidental sound effects which garner looks from other patrons until you realise you're quite a noisy moany groany critter and cut it out

injuries sustained at the gym today: (consider calling these 'gymjuries')

• carpet burn (moderate) on left elbow from prone hold

near misses at the gym today:

• i very nearly accidentally brained myself with the 8kg kettlebells during the squat and press

new friends made through exercise:

• someone that i only know a little bit sought me out at my work training day today and asked me if i would like to train for the bloke free duathlon with her - and i would, and we will

atonement

treadmill - 15 min (walk 1 min, run 13 min( 10.0 speed, incline 1.0), walk 1 min)
crosstrainer - 15 min (level 15, heart rate 175 - 180)
boxing session - 30 min


tips of the day (listen up)

• don't tell richard to shut up because then he will make you do the shuttle run with 10 jabs, 10 hooks ("good ones! do them better!) and 10 uppercuts AGAIN when you were on the verge of tears the last time but you only held on because you thought it was the last time, and then you have to pretend cry to hide the real cry

• lie about your coke zero consumption, because richard wants you to CUT IT OUT (what the fuck is there left, i mean come the fuck on!). mucho endorphins will lead you to cry like a baby all the way home from the gym about the unfairness of this (other mitigating circumstances come into play here, too, admittedly) and cause you to be the bad tempered ladybird when your workmates (including myresa) all concur that you drink too much of it and berate you accordingly during the shift

• billy, don't be a hero

'i'm a satellite heart, lost in the dark"

"so pretty, so smart
such a waste of young heart
what a pity, what a sham
what's the matter with you, man?

don't you see it's wrong?
can't you get it right?
out of mind and out of sight"

correct

"you stop, i start
but i'll be true to you"

completely, unequivocally, totally, irreversibly,
incorrect

atonement

weights/strength program

crosstrainer - 10 min (high level)

kettlebell swing (6kg) 3 sets of 15
lat pulldown (30kg) 3 sets of 15
calf raises (22kg) 3 sets of 15
press ups (full) 3 sets of 15
prone hold (1min) 3

bike - 5 min (15 sec low, 15 sec high intensity)

squat and press with kettlebells (2X 8kg) 3 sets of 15
tricep extensions (22kg) 3 sets of 15
single pike - 3 sets of 10
squat jumps - 3 sets of 10

stepper - 10 min (prog 3, level 5)

k-f m sightings:

• one (sigh)

and at work janet reckons i should be in the s.a.s.

atonement

run on treadmill - 5 min
crosstrainer - 20 min
boxing session - 30 min

injuries sustained at the gym today

• bruise to knee from walking into changing room door
• excellent contusion and bruise to right shoulder from trying to duck under the stepper to get to the treadmill

the long and the short of it

oh, look

it grew back!

lullabye and goodnight

"the time for sleep is now
it's nothing to cry about"

that's ok
i've plenty of other things to shed tears over

bags of things
and
buckets of tears

oodles and caboodles and poodles and noodles and doodles(magna and labra)

so until tomorrow
when i get a new smile out of the packet
and paste it on, shiny white

adieu

you (XY)

some, all, none

you - i wish you were still around

you - i'm glad we're friends now because i honestly never thought we would be

you - i wish i'd never met you

you - i never think about you anymore

you - i can't believe we were together for four years

you - i wish i could make you happy

you - i'll get over you

you - i think about you all the time

you - i love you

you - i'm glad we broke up

you - i care about you

you - i spend an inordinate amount of time willing bad things to happen to you

you - i'm glad you're in my life

you - i shudder when i think about you

you - i'd do anything for you

you - i feel nothing for you

you - i'm glad i never see you

you - i'm waiting for you to get here and love me, can you please hurry?

atonement

1130

crosstrainer - 17 min
boxing - 30 min
treadmill - 5 min (11.0 speed, 1.0 incline)


1745

run - 3km
walk - 1km

and today we say farewell to chirst's left little toenail

mantra of the day

please god annual leave

disappointing fact learned today

kissy-face mike is twenty fucking three

how can that be?

sigh

atonement

crosstrainer - 20 min
treadmill - 7 min (speed 10.5, incline 2.0)

boxing session - 30 min (today richard suggested i might like to get a sweatband, or even a swim cap to wear to boxing from now on)

round round baby, round round (2004/5)

"why do you want to be thin? i think it's weird"

"you get tinier every time i see you - it's surreal"

"don't you think you've lost enough?"

"you don't want to lose any more, surely"

"are you eating enough?"

"i think you might be overdoing it"

"some people just aren't meant to be slim"

you just can't fucking, win, can you?

you're either a weebil or people suspect you of being anorexic

look - good people in my life (and bad ones that look here, too)

it's ok

i'm not going to say the numbers just yet because you might choke a la mama cass elliot

(seriously, it's pretty damn impressive when you do the fat math)

but

get used to it

because there will be still less of me to love than there is presently

atonement

these are my new running shoes, the brooks vapor 8

i bought them today at the athlete's foot, where i had to have my feet measured by a cute boy (apparently the left is half a size bigger than the right) and then walk across a computerised pad which showed my collapsed arches like a rain map on a weather report. the right foot is worse than the left foot, which could explain the tremendous blisters i've been getting on the bottom of that toe

aesthetically, i have no love for them - they're too white and the not-white bits are blue. yuk. but after going on a 'getting to know you' walk/run this evening, i can cope with their looks because they are so comfortable and supportive (oh man, i am getting old)

walk/run 11.6km (1 hour, 49 min)

also i may not be the slimmest jim (yet), but i have to confess, my legs are looking quite awesome and muscly and toned, warranting my jaunt out in the windy twilight to be conducted in my james & august shorty shorts

the only urgh moment i had on the walk (apart from when the wind blew my hat off) was when i thought my little toenail on my left foot had finally parted company with said toe and was freestyling in my sock. but it's ok - it's still in situ, waiting to fall off another day

bet you wanted to know that - my flatmate made a funny face and changed the subject when i told her

chirst's indie rock cocoon - 'brothers on a hotel bed' by death cab for cutie (2005)

this has slowly become one of my favourite death cab for cutie songs - it crept up on me until i realised i was singing it in the lift on the way to night shift the last three nights

"you may tire of me as our december sun is setting
'cause I'm not who I used to be
no longer easy on the eyes
these wrinkles masterfully disguise
the youthful boy below
who turned your way and saw
something he was not looking for
both a beginning and an end
but now he lives inside someone he does not recognize
when he catches his reflection on accident

on the back of a motor bike
with your arms outstretched trying to take flight
leaving everything behind
but even at our swiftest speed
we couldn't break from the concrete
in the city where we still reside
and I have learned
that even landlocked lovers yearn
for the sea like navy men
'cause now we say goodnight
from our own separate sides
like brothers on a hotel bed [x4]

you may tire of me as our december sun is setting
'cause I'm not who I used to be"


i like it
because you know what?

i used to be in a relationship like this

and now
i'm no longer easy on the eyes
and
i'm not who i used to be

and i absolutely adore til the end of time the lyric

"and i have learned
that even landlocked lovers yearn
for the sea like navy men"

it really is all about the yearning, 24/7, isn't it?
a wee tiny respite would be a treat

atonement

treadmill - 20 minutes (alternating 5 minutes run/walk)
crosstrainer - 5 minutes

30 minute boxing session where you need a wee lie down afterwards and someone asks richard if he's "killed that girl - is she ok?"

injuries sustained at the gym today

• walked into the doorhandle on the changing room door
• stinging eyes from sweat soaked hair flicking into them

atonement

new strength/weights program that takes an hour and a half

(not too shabby considering i finished work at 7.15am and have to be back there at 10.30pm tonight)

atonement

treadmill - run 15 min, walk 5 min
crosstrainer - 15 min

30 minute boxing session - focus on arms

injuries sustained at the gym today

• bruise to front of thigh from walking into chair
• scratch to eyelid due to not taking tag off new towel

lolcat of the day

i fucking love it

when people that absolutely rate themselves as "smart", "witty", "insightful", "creative", "clever" and "arty" etc etc ad nauseum

can't spell, punctuate, conjugate or construct sentences

but especially when they write eye wateringly terrible poetry about how great they think they are incorporating spelling atrocities of olympic standard

(these people tend to clump together so they can rah rah rah on about how awesome they think they are)

snicker

now, i need to find my ladder so i can climb down and resume my day

lament for the numb

i'm feeling rough
i'm feeling raw
i'm in the prime of my life

so where the bloody hell are ya?

atonement

treadmill - run 15 min, walk 5 min
bike - 20 min (11.6km)
crosstrainer - 5 min

atonement

treadmill - 15 min run, 5 min walk (commence sustained perspiration after 4min 28 sec)
crosstrainer - 20 min starting at level 10 and maintaining for 10 min at level 14 (trust me, it's vewwy vewwy hard)
bike - 20 min (11.6km) (stoopid crippling calf cramp - you can bugger right off and never never come back)

full pressups - 11 (that's nearly 50, you know - got my eyes right on that gold certificate)
crunches - 30

i had to conquer a very big fear at the gym tonight - the only treadmill left was the one situated right in front of a full length mirror

so apologies to those trying to go about their pushing play who had to look at my big fat arse in the mirror as i run lola runned

(it's up there with the time earlier this year that i was brave enough to strip right off and have a proper shower in the communal open showers at moana pool. ladies, you know what kind of inner fortitude that takes, don't you?)

and now, i'm totally, utterly and completely drained of any type of interest in the rest of the day (all 28 minutes of it) - so nighty night to y'all

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

spot on

i am having a VERY BAD SKIN day today

this does not mean that my skin is being naughty and needs a time out

it means that the hormonal havoc i've apparently wreaked upon myself through reasonably sustained and effortful training over the last few months (see all 'atonement' posts if you will) is written all over my face

so

to all those people who used to call me a bitch for having good skin throughout the approximate years 1987 - 2008

feel free to get up and dance that schadenfreude jig

you know you want to

atonement

run/walk on treadmill - 15 min
boxing session - 30 min
crosstrainer - 20 min


oooh oooh oooh, richard said he will make me a GOLD CERTIFICATE if i can do 50 press ups

("you mean like man style ones?"
"no, i mean 'full ones' - stop calling them 'man style' or 'boy ones'")

atonement

run on treadmill - 5 minutes

30 minute boxing session (upon returning to the main gym the owner will ask you if the sprinklers have gone off and the extremely delicioso gym instructor will choose this moment to gaze upon your dripping and reddened face)

crosstrainer - 20 minutes

the lemonheads

so that's what evan dando is up to these days

it's been a while since 1992's "it's a shame about ray" , the video for which features a certain johnny depp

yes, yes

i'm more than fully aware it's been a while since 1992. period.

(nod to holden for the pic - ta)

a little crabby

ten hour working day that starts with 0545 wake up and includes two hours overtime

maintaining game face for at least 75% of day despite encountering challenging behaviours

feeling of inadequacy and extreme sorrow related to friends who have lost babies and mothers in the last week

ipod that is identified as corrupted and needs factory reset - goodbye last three years of dependable playlists

stoopid food diary that tells no lies

no room in day or energy left over for atonement

a single pillow underneath my single head

the seventeen thousand things i wanted to organise by today but haven't

the cheap chardonnay i resorted to after i found it in the back of the fridge - needs must as the devil drives

chaotic room that needs packed up in order to move on monday

the vague feeling of always being in trouble

i have flights and a partner in crime, but the pavement tickets that allegedly go on sale at 9am tomorrow are nowhere to be found on teh intahwebs

the mis-cut razor chop in my expensive haircut (that i only like 13% of the time anyway) that sticks up like a cheap paintbrush from corstorphine school circa 1983

and

the same old same old that make me so angry i could cry and vomit simultaneously - always a treat

lolcat of the day

some people

have to make it all the fuck about them

all

the

fucking

time

atonement

0635

spin bike - 50 minutes (5 minutes up, five minutes down)

atonement

10 minute walk car - work
10 minute walk work - car

2.5 minute walk on treadmill
15 minute run on treadmill
7.5 walk on treadmill

atonement

treadmill - walk 5 minutes, run 15 minutes, walk 5 minutes
crosstrainer - 15 minutes

30 minute boxing session (don't swear when you have to do the crunches/punches with the medicine ball on your legs because richard will make you do more of them)

atonement

crosstrainer - 5 minutes walk, 15 minute run, 5 minute walk
spin bike - 25 minutes (5 minutes down, five minutes up)
crosstrainer - 20 minutes

lolcat of the day

night shift

have you seen my circadian rhythms?
they're totally out of synch with my zeitgebers

atonement

20 minutes cross trainer
20 minutes run/walk on treadmill
10 minutes boxing

vast array of baseline measurements taken, including humiliating body fat calliper pinching
intensive plan formulated with trainer for the reduction of the chirst

late scratching

crawford farm is now subbing for astrolabe in tonight's event

wowee zowee!

call the crash cart, because my indie rock heart has gone into cardiac arrest

pavement are kickstarting their reunion tour with a concert in auckland, march 1, 2010

i warned you about the implications of this

atonement

0635

run 3km on treadmill

walk 1km on treadmill

lolcat of the day

this is exactly why despite the journey to my own personal hell on my first outside running expedition since 1993 i am aiming to be at world by 0615 tomorrow

because spandex pants are also not friends with wine, rashuns, twisties, mcdonalds, kettle fry chips, snickers, icecream, truckloads of cheese, fish 'n chips and just about everything else i have consumed in the last two weeks

atonement

run 3.5km
walk 1.5km

outside in the real world

and you know what?

baby DOESN'T love to run

"ari gold - wait for backup!"

yesterday i watched season 5 of entourage in it's entirety

sigh

i forgot how much i love ari gold. he makes being angry an art form. and what form with his right hand - glory be to the open palm!

and the first thing i did after i finished watching all twelve episodes?

check the interweb to make sure there's more coming to me in the future - and hello season 6!

yes, yes, i know

it's a full life

chirst's indie rock cocoon - 'cath' by death cab for cutie (2008)

death cab for cutie have featured on chirstamaphone many times before, so it's well past overdue that they get a mention in the indie rock cocoon

i've already posted the clips from the hall of justice sessions for 'talking bird' and 'i will possess your heart', so i've chosen THIS song to showcase my current favourite album of theirs, 'narrow stairs' (2008) (oh look, the indie rock cocoon ventures well out of it's 1990's comfort zone, beware!)

i was sprung by my brother a few months ago, with this song cranked up on the stereo in my cell, playing my best indie rock air guitar and singing my little indie rock heart out with my best seattle accent. we both don't speak of this. ever. in fact, it's like it never happened

i discovered death cab for cutie in 2006, in the shed at the back of ravelston st where we had a black hole set up - i'd go and drink wine, smoke marlboro lights and watch c4 while i handily multitasked, getting my washing dried and talking on the phone. hours would go by, unaccounted for. the death cab for cutie song that hooked me was 'i will follow you into the dark', which is from 2005's 'plans'. vi va ce in hanover st also have it on their karaoke menu, and i've done a reasonable version of it on several occasions. no, no, thank YOU

death cab for cutie's lyrics change from the poignant and persistent flavour of 'i will possess your heart' ("how i wish you could see the potential of you and me, it's like a book elegantly bound, but in a language that you can't read") to that of the reluctant cad apologising for his behaviour in 'someday you will be loved' ("you'll be loved, you'll be loved, like you never have known, and the memories of me will seem more like bad dreams"). there's also the guy who in 'you can do better than me' who "thinks of leaving, but it's something i'll never do, cause you can do better than me, but i can't do better than you"

death cab for cutie have deceptively simple lyrics that just burrow into your brain. you'll find yourself singing them to yourself at all times of the day. supporting these delicious words are a big, dark chocolate bass line, tinkling keyboards and thick velvet drums. benjamin gibbard is the quintessential indie rock geek, with immense cuteness lurking behind his thick rimmed glasses. his voice is driving and insistent, but gentle and delicate when the song requires

i love this song, 'cath'. i especially love the line "she holds a smile as one would hold a crying child". i really believe that mainsteam pop doesn't deliver the same calibre of lyricism that indie rock/pop serves up in abundance, repeatedly

i have a friend named cath, too. and i always think of her when i listen to this song, even though it doesn't match her or her circumstances even remotely. she's an awesome, strong and terribly funny woman who believes in herself. i don't think she'd find herself in the position of the cath of this song

personally, this song serves as something of a warning for me. times have been a little tough recently, and by recently i mean the last couple of years, give or take. i don't want to have "closed the door, on so many men who would have loved you more" and chosen someone less than ideal

it's hard though, when "your heart was dying fast and you didn't know what to do"

ben gibbard - tell me what to do. i'll believe you over dr phil, any day of the week

cold comfort

po tds 7/7

1915 projection

who says virtue is it's own reward?
not
me

i am the all singing, all dancing crap of this world

and i see everything

affirmation of the day

today i will have a lunch break

chirst's indie rock cocoon - 'i am a scientist' by guided by voices (1994)

my goodness gracious me, the discovery of american lo fi in the post goth years of my late teens and early twenties was one of my journeys begun that has so far not had an end

it was the slow dawning of a realisation that cool music didn't just come from manchester or creation records or from boys with fringes that had surrendered to gravity long ago

in the four short months of chirstamaphone i've surely raved a bit on and off about pavement, who were my first (and remain stalwartly biggest) lo fi indie rock loves, and there's even some sebadoh and dinosaur jr to be found on here so far, too

it was my wearing of the iconic 'sordid sentinels' pavement t shirt when answering the door to potential flatmates in 1995 that lead jim and kelly into my life. jim had been discovering some of the areas of town that housed people with necks that were red and minds that were narrow. so when the blond haired american boy from ohio with a love of flying nun knocked on the green door which was opened by myself in said t shirt, the first thing he said to me was "oh, thank god!" and jim, kelly, rhys and i were friends ever since. linda and andy of the lo fi den around the corner made us practically a gang. we just needed to work a bit more on the knife fighting, but that's a story for another time

pavement was one of the many building blocks in a friendship that has lasted across a long time and a wide space

but this is ostensibly about guided by voices

jim loves guided by voices, and introduced them to me over the years 1994 - 1997. rhys had bee thousand on vinyl, and i loved chip chop changing between the two fantastic blue records on the flash turntable (just the one, and no microphones), and playing my faves (over and over again, yes, that's correct)

lo fi is deceptive. it makes you feel like "yeah, i can do that!" but you can't, really. gbv are the kings of lo fi for good reason - they make it look enchantingly simple, but it is exquisitely layered and addictive, held together with pure and succinct lyrics soaked in orginal quirk and sometimes echoingly tangible emotion

i'm totally in love with the lyrics of this song. i mean, come on:

"i am a scientist - i seek to understand me
all of my impurities and evils yet unknown
i am a journalist - i write to you to show you
i am an incurable
and nothing else behaves like me"

it's true. nothing else does behaves like me

good thing, really, too. if you ask me

which of course you did

early morning thanks

dear work pants

thanks for still fitting after three weeks holiday

i very much appreciate this

yours
chirst

chirst's indie rock cocoon - 'christine' by the house of love (1988)

at seventeen, just dipping my ten up doc martens into the ever opening world of uk indie pop, i was surprised and delighted to find there was a song about me! me! me! a whole song!

i love the solidity of the song, and guy chadwick's steady, hypnotic and reliable voice playing above the metronomic drums

i liked that there was a song about me, and it was by a band that was a whole house of love

i'd like to live there now. big old warm house of love

forward my mail, would you be so kind? thanks

chirst's indie rock cocoon - 'homeboy' by adorable (1992)

as an angsty seventeen year old i was (and still very much am) a consummate sucker for the poignant and beautiful and somewhat painful lyrics of songs like this

like the wont of most shoegazing bands of the time, adorable have chosen to endow the latter third of this song with chunky chunky guitars, causing a wonderful writhing of exquisite and thick noise overladen with wrenching raw vocals, held together with strong drums

sigh. roll around in it for a while - it's pretty awesome

i used to listen to this on vinyl, and the true deliciousness of the audio quality of good vinyl on an excellent system is palpable. i'd listen to it over and over, and wish that someone would say "you're so beautiful, you're so beautiful" to me (is this why i fall for it time and again of late? is it?)

i wasn't so sure about the "i wanna cut you up, i wanna watch you bleed, ever so slowly" part, though. he sings it so invitingly, but for sure i think it would hurt, and i do like my blood to stay on the inside of me

at the time i had a boyfriend who could quickly pick up the riffs to most of the indie rock cocoon we were listening to at the time - it was very cool and very entertaining to have someone on hand who could play ride's 'vapour trail' (look out for this on a later cocoon, i think) or the verlaines' 'joed out'. it was like my own personal request show - "all indie, all the time!" "no, sing 'joed out' in the ron perlman voice!" "now sing it in burps!" - hey, i didn't purport to be the most matureseventeen year old, nor the least demanding teenage creature ever

i must say, it was quite the happy moment when i stumbled across this - i'd long forgotten about adorable. but as soon as i started listening it did that tricky "pick you up chirsty, whisk you to 1992 with us, stay a while, it's nice" magicky thing

ok, adorable. might just make myself a cup of tea and stay here for a while. cheers

chirst's indie rock cocoon - 'morningrise' by slowdive (1991)

ah, slowdive
perfect find after two glasses of montana reserve sauvignon blanc and my handy dandy notebook

i listened to slowdive, and a lot other bands of the same genre and ilk at that time of 1991/2 but most notably, at this time,i was only listening to those who were from the uk (until obviously, sometime in the very next second, i'm going to find pavement and then it's all american, all guitar, all the time, baby!)

i hear this song and i just think of rhys. he was the best, most committed and cutest shoegazer i ever met in my life. cuter than mark gardener from ride (and ladies, you know that's saying something!) AND he could play a guitar with his very own fender amp. thank you very much, and good night!

oh, those drums, that bass, that guitar, the raspy silken lyrics

but this song is all about the chill out, the chill out and the think of that person that you are/were enmeshed with: "looking back i see you slip away, you seem more beautiful than yesterday"

all girls with an indie rock heart want someone looking back to see them slip away, thinking they're seeming more beautiful than the day before

this could mesh quite well with the theory that boys only want what they can't have, so therefore 'slipping away' would render such a maiden unattainable, and therefore forbiddingly enticing

i just love the slow, wavelike rhythm of this song, and it used to be on the tape i would do my relaxation exercises to

so pavlovian response a go go, i'm now in a state of complete relaxation

chirst's indie rock cocoon - 'soon' by my bloody valentine (1991)

oh hai
and
welcome to the inaugural post in the infrequent series "chirst's indie rock cocoon"

it was going to be "chirst's 90's indie rock cocoon" but i decided to buck against such stringent restriction, being so free spirited and such

i used to love this song so very very much in 1992
i would play it over and over again on my tape deck
two people put it on compliation tapes for me, long before we'd heard of the mix tape theory tendered in 'high fidelity'

so, when i hear this i think of rb and jh
and the pointy hurty triangle

but also when i hear it
i dance around my room just like the 17 year old me that still exists in a parallel universe for all time

even though that was exactly half my life ago

gosh, doesn't time fly when you're having fun?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loveless_(album)

DSMIV - possible indications of MDE (revised)

be aware should anyone you know rent the following in one go:

1. stepmom
2. shadowlands
3. how to make an american quilt
4. an officer an a gentleman
5. sabrina the teenage witch season 4

they may also request:

1. sabrina the teenage witch season 2 (having watched season 3 in it's entirety in <24h)
2. 21 jump street season 1

visual cues to be aware of:

1. caramel popcorn stuck to clothing and/or hair
2. bag of comprehensive junk food items next to bed
3. continued renewal of ice cream items in freezer following depletion of similar items
4. appearance of processed cheese items in refrigerator - notably chesdale smoky flavoured cheese slices

anger management

i've taken a short break from sabrina the teenage witch to watch this film

i know, i know, what on earth drew me towards this film at the video store?

i've not a clue

not a one

"marge, this homemade prozac needs more icecream"

ingredients:

• deep south hokey pokey icecream (plenty)
• cornflakes
• cottee's ice magic chocolate icecream topping - hokey pokey flavour

method:

• mix icecream with two handfuls of cornflakes
• drizzle liberally with ice magic chocolate topping
• return to your cocoon
• combine with 12 episodes of sabrina the teenage witch (season 3)
• await coma

3

2

1

atonement

sunday - participate in the 2009 cycle surgery rail trail classic 100 mile (150km)

omakau - ida valley (20km approx) - 1 hour 15 min

wedderburn - waipiata (20 km approx) - 1 hour 10 min into headwind with magpies divebombing your head

team result - 150km in 8 hours, 16 min

ow

season to taste

today i plan on doing fuck all
because of the broken

i did, however, happen to notice last week at united video that they have sabrina the teenage witch on dvd
this seems perfect for my needs which are

staying in bed
doing very little
avoiding the thinking trap
continued regression to 90's without aid of delorean
voluntary solitary confinement

this song is also at the end of the movie to die for, when ileanna douglas is skating victoriously on the ice

i know this because i do happen to be awesome, but today i'm going to take the day off

about tomorrow - i'll let you know, but i wouldn't count on it

friday on my mind

it's before 11pm, and i'm in bed - alone, naturally. except for the growing collection of Very Important Stuff that collects under the pillow of the Other Side of the bed, which currently consists of (but is not necessarily limited to):

• dvd player remote (when it's not being lost in the growing piles that attempt to take over my cell)
• symbicort inhaler (prevention is better than cure)
• tissues (blue ones at the moment)
• books (presently rose madder and gerald's game by stephen king)
• music for men cd by gossip

i've spent today doing not so much. went to the gym, bought a bike tyre inner tube, went to kathmandu for some polyprop gloves, went to the warehouse and got a polyprop top and some biking tights (these are Super Very Attractive, and i would consider wearing them to a social occasion. they make my legs look like superhero action figure legs, and when is that ever a bad thing?) before laughing it up in front of Rove. post gym i settled into bed to keep warm in the terrible horrible weather we're having and watched pump up the volume. so not only am i regressing into my 90's indie rock scene, i'm also soaking myself in movies from the same decade. i watched la story last night, which i adore, so i'm quite happy here, 19 years ago.

i'm also trying to get organised for the rail trail 100, which is on sunday. i'm a little bit more than a little bit apprehensive about this, on many levels. i've never been to the rail trail, so i don't know what to expect. surely all this mountainous gradient riding i've been doing around the hills of dunedin is going to set me in good stead. i'm going up in the truck with myresa tomorrow, and we're staying with her sister and some of her other friends. the only person i know is myresa, which is a tiny bit daunting. i think myresa and i are also sharing a bed, and she's forewarned me today that she's "as restless as a cricket during the night, and i have to get up to pee three times". so between my bedpal and the daylight savings adjustment, i think saturday night's sleep could be a precious commodity of which to be in dogged pursuit of. she was, however, kind enough to ask if i was bringing my own book, or would i like her to read me a bedtime story?

tonight i also figured out the miracle device that is my hydration pack. this is a backpack that has a bladder in it that you fill with liquid that has a tube coming from it that goes around to your mouth and you can slurp away during your prolonged period of activity to prevent dehydration. it holds 2L, which is grand, and i plan to fill it with the special lemon chill endurance carbohydrate caffeine mix that i'm sure gives me special powers. if i fill it with this then i won't have to worry about eating during the riding. now, the plan was that i was in a team of 4, and we'd end up biking around 40km each. but someone is sick, so the quota of km has just been increased. this is cool because i've lain awake night after night praying for just this. also it would be stellar if the wind and snow and rain were all there on the day, too.

so, i've washed and dried my clothes. i've washed out the hydration pack so it doesn't taste like rubber (iknow, i know, who doesn't enjoy THAT flavour?). i've made a list and checked it twice. i've actually watched all 4 of my weekly hire dvds and am ready to return them tomorrow (it's on the list, therefore it's law that it must happen)

so, i'm ready for saturday and it's rollerskating jam

chirst ouT

atonement

20 minutes crosstrainer
20 minutes spin bike
15 minutes on the mat pretending to do abs and stretches but mainly checking out the gym hottie i haven't seen in a while

i tried to keep her on a short leash

i'm still awake from last night and yesterday

i couldn't sleep, and i finally figured out why

i couldn't sleep because i am too angry

it gave me the burning in my chest, and i had to get up and have some gaviscon for it. burning angry rage that keeps you awake is one of the conditions indicated for it's use on the side of the bottle

it made me too hot in bed. too hot and it was /is so windy outside, and i just felt/feel all scratchy and full of incandescent rage

you can't fight the seether

so i read my book and i finished my book and fell into the interweb again

and then i put on my yellow t-shirt and black jeans and red/white puffy jacket vest and black converse allstars and got up to do an angry dance through the house

it hasn't helped

not
one
bit

i ring the doorbell in your mind

ah, 90's indie rock cocoon, all wrapped around me again

i don't think i'm ever going to get out

ever

i like it in here

so here i'll stay

and when/if i emerge

i'll be a beautiful butterfly, right?

right?

because it is bitter and because it is my heart

hey, listen up

• you
• you

and

• you

just do it already. please.

atonement

20 minutes crosstrainer
30 minute boxing session

crumbs

i'm craving cake again

lots of it

and bajoolies has even made a batch of the awesomest brownies, which are at this moment just through the door - a forcefield i know i have the means to overcome

but

given the overindulgences of last night, i think i'll have to settle for this kind

sigh

stoopid long run outlook ruining my quest for immediate satisfaction

clean up your act

i told myself i would clean up my room today
i near on promised myself
it's a given that going for lunch at thai hanoi on moray place and then to rialto to see funny people will hamper progress

possibly irreparably

lolcat of the day

how do they know?
i bought the cheap no name cat fud this week
the outside meows do not like it at all
"no, no, no, chirsty!" they say "we don't like it!"

sorry, meows. but that's all there is

saucy

i didn't spill red wine on my dress
no
i spilled sweet chili sauce down it

so this afternoon, i was friends with frend

change of allegiance

sorry, south dunedin video ezy

i'm going to start seeing another video store
we don't have to break up or anything
but just so you know
i will be frequenting south dunedin united video

they had charlie bartlett, right there on the shelves
they have trillions of tv on dvd sets
i'm not altogether sure about their ordering of things on the shelves, though
and they took a photo of me for my membership when i wasn't ready and i was looking less than ideal after the mid key shenanigans of last night

but i like them and i want to see more of them
just thought you should know

atonement

bike caversham to silverstream and back

wish fulfillment

oh
my
god

just imagine it
my little 90's indie rock american guitar band heart would explode

first the pixies (what i've neglected to mention here that i do have tickets and flights to the vector arena concert in march 2010)

and now

pavement reunion confirmed

stephen malkmus is actually in the country at this precise moment, up in auckland with his band the jicks. they're playing with the verlaines

i might stay in tonight, though. got to conserve some energy for the biking and partying tomorrow

please enjoy responsibly

€
€
€
€
€

stoopid keyboard
this is the second time this week i have wanted to use the "pound" sign
but i don't have one

so my head is euroing instead

accountability

• speed dating - $10 (because you're tight with jane and an excellent participant)
  
• wither hills sauvignon blanc - $7/glass (4 glasses)
  
• mac's spring tide - $6 at velvet burger north dunedin @ 0125
  
• cab ride from the octagon to corstorphine - $16
  
• meeting a very cute, very funny, very nice smelling man who says delectable things to you and can also outquote you at the simpsons but wasn't at the speed dating - priceless

atonement

bike caversham to fairfield
hour long walk
bike fairfield to caversham (singing this song out loud will help you up stevensons rd, which is deceptively inclined)

regression to 90's indie rock scene: 85% complete

tell it like it is

push it down
push it around

atonement

17 minutes on the cross trainer (hr 157)
5 minutes running on the treadmill

punishing 30 minute boxing session where you collapse on the ground and richard thinks you are only pretending to cry so you carry on letting him think that

lolcat of the day

hey guess what?

you know how i caught that mouse last night?

i'd set two traps

i'd just finished showing bajoolies the one i caught last night as i bagged him up and consigned him to the wheelie bin

and i went back in my room

and the second trap was full of mouse

i did have the fleeting thought as i went to sleep last night that where there's one there might be more

so it logically follows

where there's two there might be more

and they know tricks and have things to inflict on me

sigh

mouseover

time of death: 12.44am

returnin' vermin

oh god
oh god
oh god
oh god
oh god

there's a mouse in my room
and he KNOWS what we did to the last one
he SAW
he's going to get me
he looked right at me before i had a conniption
and i think i can hear him assembling devices behind my bed for to use against me

oh god, i just heard him again

i'll have to get up and get the weapons of mouse destruction

note to self: do not stand on weapons of mouse destruction in the morning

c is for craving

cheese

cake

cheesecake

cream

chocolate

cookies

caramel

chicken

coca cola

corona beer

custard

cabanossi

chips

crisps

cheezels

cornflakes

corned beef

cashews

candy

croissants

&

caramel popcorn