darlin' don't you go and cut your hair, do you think it's gonna make him change?

i love pavement
i love this song
i love that it reminds me of 1994/5 and only the good parts

if i saw someone i know that has recently had a haircut he could say
"im just a boy with a new hair cut"
and then i could say
"and that's a pretty nice haircut"

i'm having a love/hate relationship with my new short hair, but at least it is "no big hair!"

oooh oooh ooooh ooooh ooooh oooh, ooooh oooooh ooooh oooh ooooh ooooh oooooh ooooooooooh

atonement

yesterday i went for a 34km bike ride in a headwind that involved what felt like 97% mountainous hill terrain

today i ran 15 minutes on the treadmill, did 5 minutes on the cross trainer and then had a 30 minute boxing session with richard. we both discovered that with my hair being short, my sweat not only gets all over me and the floor, but some of it gets on him, too

we both chose to pretend it didn't happen

and he gave me some advice which enlightened me as to the reason i've managed to attract some of the men i've met over the last year

"turn the magnet off. the loser magnet. turn it off"

that in itself is surely worth $25

regrets, i've had a few

things you wish you hadn't bought this week

• the lastest empire magazine
• the latest rip it up
• that copy of 'lock stock and two smoking barrels' whitcoulls sold you for $10 because they love you
• ewan mcdougall card

why did you purchase said items?

• because i am a fucking stupid girl

least helpful thing somebody said to me yesterday

"you're leaving your run a bit late, aren't you?"

look
just check back in the five, i mean ten i mean open year plan i made in 1999
it's all in there

all of it

rabbitting on

i've been avoiding this movie on sky all week

but now, i have to say, the house bunny is really not that bad at all

it's like an oestrocentric 'revenge of the nerds'. yeah, yeah, it's kind of predicatable and a bit lame in places, but some of it is laugh out loud scare the dog funny

it's also got the best soundtrack , and it also has tyson ritter as one of the love interests, so yay AND yay

you can sit and watch it while you eat 3/4 of that fresh and fruity blackberries and cream frozen yoghurt

which is perfectly acceptable and rationalised by the fact that yesterday you had zero alcohol units

not
a
one

lolcat of the day

i've been up since 9am
i still haven't

1. had a shower
2. gotten dressed
3. been for a walk
4. eaten anything
5. cleaned up the house

needless to say some of these items require immediate attention

because any minute, it'll be time to go to work

again

joshua radin - star mile

you might need to fill
a prescription to kill
off the silence

atonement

1500m on the rower

kettlebell swings, 6kg, 15 reps, 3 sets
tricep dips, 15, 3 sets
step ups, 12 each leg, 3 sets
shoulder raises, 3kg each arm, 12 reps, 3 sets
swiss ball crunches, 10, 3 sets

5 minutes running on treadmill

dynamic lunges with 3kg kettlebell in each hand, 12 per leg, 3 sets
curl and press with 11kg barbell, 12 reps, 3 sets
deep pull with 6 kg kettlebell, 12 each arm, 3 sets
pressups, 12, 3 sets
swiss ball roll outs, 10, 3 sets

5 minute warmdown on the crosstrainer

three little words

for fuck's sake

je suis alle au supermarche et j'ai achete

bases de pizza (deux)
sauce de pizza
salami italien
fait cuire shredded poulet
fromage d'edam
gunn estate 2008 sauvignon blanc (une bouteille)

et maintenant je crois que j'aurai un bain

after

before

best in show

i do like a kick ass pertinent soundtrack with my television shows, as evidenced by the following:

• grey's anatomy
• private practice
• scrubs
• entourage
• chuck

so, depending on your genotype and phenotype, feel free to

a) rock out with your cock out

and/or

b) jam out with your clam out

mindreading exercise

there's this red haired girl at the gym
she looks pretty strong, and she seems to be pushing herself pretty hard lately
one day i'm going to talk to her. one day i really think i will
but lately as well as being very sweaty she's also very frowny
i've heard her swearing the last couple of days, and other times she chants "ow ow ow"
and once i thought i saw her cry
but that could have been when it looked like she got cramp on the spin bike

tomorrow

the park drive has all runned out
brrrrrrrrrrrr

old friends/bookends

my friend rhys would have been 36 today

but he's not, because he died nearly a year ago

36. i can't believe it

we met in 1992, when i was 17, which is half my lifetime ago, and we were best friends and bf/gf for 6 years. we pretty much grew up together before we grew apart

i'm not alone in this opinion when i say i think he has been one of the best people i have ever known

even though we were only in sporadic contact over the last few years, i always knew he was out there in the world, with his very cool wife and beautiful kids

i thought we had plenty of time to be friends

i'm really grateful that we got to hang out right before he got really sick, and i got to see him being a dad and a grown up and a husband

i miss him

a lot

shark alert

even with the sound down low i can still tell "the love guru" sucks

dateline

"what's that?" i hear you ask

well, i'll tell you. it's a date

a real proper one requested with quirky funny emails containing several compliments on my physical appearance, my brain, my sense of humour and a suggestion as to what might happen on proposed date. a plan with activities, oh my!

given the calibre of the last few requests for my company, i nearly required the services of an interpreter to read it

i keep on talking trash but i never say anything

this is going in the list of current life feem toons

purely because it's so obviously not describing any aspect of my life whatsoever

not
a
one

"brace, brace!"

currently i'm indulging in several lifestyles that are proving to be quite incompatible with each other

let's concentrate on two of them at the moment (yes, this correctly implies that there are others) :

lifestyle 1) drinking what some would consider to be a moderately large amount of alcohol on a reasonably frequent basis, smoking, eating whatever i like, lying in bed with books/laptop/dvds

lifestyle 2) eating very healthily and participating in a somewhat challenging weekly training program that consists of the following:

• 30 minute boxing session plus 20 minutes cardio


• 1 hour bike ride around hills


• weights program that will cripple you for two days and make you say "ow ow ow" on any attempt at movement in your normal activities of daily living


• 1 hour cardio session (must involve cross trainer and rower)


• 2+hour bike ride involving hills

you don't have to have a tv based scientifc qualification to know that no good can come of matter and anti matter colliding

no good whatsoever

initialise

i am the madame president for life supreme ruler of cb club

that's because i made it up

to be considered for membership in cb club you must:

• have the same initials as me


• be the same height as me


• have the same shoesize as me

as you may imagine, it is quite the select group

we meet fortnightly on alternating tuesdays and wednesdays at the duke of wellington pub

you're moments ago but seconds away

this is my favourite song at the moment

if myresa hadn't staged her aggressive intervention in march last year, i think i would look not too terribly dissimilar to beth ditto
the panel would have to be in agreement that this is not longer so

however

it's
always
always
always
a slippery slope

so don't look while i open another stella and delve into the park drive fine cut blue

again

biker chick

hey, you know what?

it's 36km round trip from benhar st in mornington to some random house south of brighton and back again

and do you know what else?

i didn't have to get off the bike to push it up any of the hills. now, if you're anything like me, you'll mistakenly believe that the jaunt out to brighton is flat as a pancake

it's not. dude, it's so not

not counting all the hidden hills in places like waldronville picture yourself towards the end of the ride, standing on main south road in concord, looking up to the sky. and then try picture yourself back up at benhar st

there's mountainous terrain in the interim. up the old way that used to be the motorway, and all the way up that steep steep steep part of mornington road that goes past the fire station and nash & ross

so there's valid reasons for the fact that you've had two showers already today, but feel a bath might be in order before bed

diamonds on the inside

he'll keep calling me
he'll keep calling me until i come over
he'll make me feel guilty
this is uh
this is ridiculous
ok, i'll go
i'll go
i'll go
i'll go
i'll go
what - i'll go!

shit!

goddamn it!

how to do the mess around

i swear, it's like it follows me

it's an entity in it's own right

i arrived at the caversham palace at 1725, and the first thing i did was help my friend stella unpack

and honestly

i turned around and the disarray was startling

i bet sophie did it

"when will i learn? the answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on tv!"

i've been watching a bit of "the big bang theory" lately. it's very funny, and very in-the-know smart geek humour

i was packing up to resume residence as the guest princess at the caversham palace this afternoon when my bro came home from work

>>chirst: "i got my whiteboard in my office today. just like on "the big bang theory!"

>>bro: "yeah, i've heard that's pretty funny"

now, i had a pause, and a sarcasm check, because this was delivered deadpan with full eye contact, which are what i consider to be trademarks of the straight man in comedy partnerships. also i may have been blah blah blahing on about it a bit lately? really, no go on then

ok, i will. resume transcription

>>chirst: "are you taking the piss?"

>>bro: "no, no, it IS really funny"

>>chirst: "i know! and you know the whiteboards? they have real theorems and stuff on them! AND i learned something on it that helped me appreciate lolcats on a higher level!"

>>bro: "oh, righto, then. what could that possibly be?"

>>chirst: "well, they have this whole running gag about schrodinger's cat, and they explained exactly what it is (and here is where i explained it perfectly to my brother but i won't repeat it here because you can has hyperlink) and now i understand why cats in boxes are funny. they've also talked about this thing called occam's razor, but i can't remember what that is"

>>bro: "occam's razor? yeah, that's when the simplest answer is usually the right one"

>>chirst: "how the fuck do you know that off the top of your head? i mean, we grew up in corstorphine!"

>>bro: "yeah, i saw it when i was watching "scrubs" the other night"



as homer j. simpson would say

commencing countdown, engines on

>>chirst, this is thursday, we'd like to advise you are go for launch

sorry, what?

flavour of the week

this week seems to be all up in my face with it's "we're so disappointed in you" from characters far and wide

well, you know what?

fuck y'all

old chirst can has new trick?

talk nerdy to me

ooooh oooooh oooooooh

i totally forgot

i'm getting a big whiteboard in my office

and then i can be just like dr sheldon cooper phd

with my science stuff that i do all the livelong day

formula here, hypothesis there

and my important top secret postulations involving the time space continuum

oh look, i've said too much

input

today it was:

one fizzy immunity vitamin
one blackmores kickass fix your life woman vitamin
tall non fat flat white from mcdonald's
bacon and egg mcmuffin (see as above)
yoghurt berry crunch (also, see as above)
medium trim flat white from muffin break
bran muffin from the breaker of muffins
two egg sandwiches on brown grainy bread from the staff cafe
one strawberry low fat yoghurt from the staff cafe
short swift metaphorical kick in the arse from expensive friend
noodly beef teriyaki goodness at home
four cold stellas
five episodes of 'the big bang theory'
reciprocal debrief with princess fiona
another fizzy immunity vitamin - i WILL be better, faster, stronger
and oh how do i love my bed - let me count the ways

i can't wait to be on that interview panel tomorrow as a grown up responsible health professional

one does wonder if one should prepare a rap especially for the occasion

lolcat of the day

ruh oh shaggy
the personal trainer has been texting me about training for that bike race that i keep repressing
i suspect myresa is in cahoots with him and they are cahooting together at me
i do need help, though
but i'm scared, richie

scared

tell me why i don't like mondays

wake up, the pillow will be stuck to your face, giving you the most atomic smush face you've suffered thus far in your life. you feel you must be genetically prone to it, because the noppets gets it pretty bad, too

gradually, over a 2 minute period you become aware of the fact that you really do feel substantially less than ideal and you will begin to recall the circumstances leading up to feeling substantially less than ideal

the solution to this is to stay in bed. forever. the end.

apparently, this is not a viable option, so:

get up and have a shower and get dressed. eye damage from the drunken hysterics will be 9/10, so sunglasses may be in order

your cellphone will ring, and it's not a mysterioso debt collector, it's whitcoulls saying "hey little chirsty! you can has big bang theory today!" yay, perhaps its not going to be such a bad day after all

then you'll remember the one particular shameful event from the preceding evening that is going to make you feel shithouse for a long time. mitigating circumstances, extreme provocation over a longspan timeline and truckloads of booze are not excuses. the rule (adhered to thus far, well since 1995) is that we use our words to solve our problems

go to the whitcoulls for the big bang. go to the mornington bakery for the carbs and cream filled delights that make some headway in restoring your tenuous balance today. balance will be shaken a little when mykaryn looks at you and says "oh dear. what's wrong with your eyes"?

the rest of the day shall be spent watching the big bang theory and being disappointed and annoyed at yourself that you just couldn't wait and most of the snippets you've watched on youtube are all on the dvds. sigh. it's so unlike you to get ahead of yourself in any arena of your life. you're a very patient and good person who waits for things to happen in their own time

make dinner for the fambily. drink some nice cold stella. trade ralph wiggum quotes with friends in wellington on the facebook

you'll be craving something snacky and crunchy, and you have nothing in that line because you try to buy only healthy food because of aforementioned restraint, so you'll end up munching on dry 2 minute noodles (which you now have to brush out of the bed) sigh

no headway was made on transformation of room that looks like a whole life threw up in it. none whatsoever
no exercise was partaken in. none whatsoever

big sigh

i vow i will become a brand new shiny good example of human kind

starting tomorrow




obviously

phrase of the day

shame spiral

""let it be known that bad shame spirals often happen to good people"

tv boys that i love

i know, i know
they're made up
but i still lurrrve them
and when times are tough, it's that new season/season you don't have/repeat viewings on dvd that gets you through

• vincent chase
• dr sheldon cooper
• dr john dorian
• michael bluth
• nate fisher
• mike hannigan
• evan wylde
• hank moody

one of these kids is not like the other, though. my boy vinny chase is the throwaway pure eye candy

the rest can be labelled with a combination of the following:

"funny, cute, smart, quirky, troubled, complex"

as if anyone's like that in real life

i mean, really

art imitates life

shoulda, woulda, coulda

one of the exes sent me his results of a quiz on facebook - he wants me to know what attracts him

1. cute face
2. funny
3. considerate
4. smart
5. sweet

pttssscccchhhhhhh

he forgot

6. sucker

funny how dunedin is so very small, and yet you can go for ages and not run into any of these people from your past

tune in tomorow when the universe will have gone "ha ha, chirsty!" and there'll be a rollcall.

boy, i can't wait

happiness

i got to work and found this in the fridge. it was providing an impenetrable forcefield to protect a chocolate eclair that clearly had my name on it

it made me laugh and laugh. and again on and off during the remainder of my shift

(how did she know i like lolcats? and chocolate eclairs? princess fiona, you should be on csi. hope your birthday was as grand as it could be working nights)

my shift which had an hour overtime due to the extreme busyness. now, that wouldn't feel like such a hardship if you normally finished at 1700, but i got to sashay out of the health factory at midnight. it puts a serious crimp in the afterwork timetable which is focussed on drinking vino and falling prey to the charms of the interweb but attempting to be in bed by a reasonable hour (ie 1am) so as not to fall prey to day/night reversal

it's lucky i am blessed with being awesome

things that don't make you feel like a grown up at work:

when your boss calls you "dear" despite the fact that 0.4FTE you're on the same designated senior scale

when your patients call you "the sweetest little girl" (har har, "if they only knew", i hear you say) - i don't understand what about my presentation of myself today prompted 3 separate patients to say words to this effect to me. i mean, i wasn't even wearing that funny hair clip

things that do make you feel like a grown up a work:

making a dying man comfortable

holding the man's hand as he dies because you're the only one there with him

telling his family that he has died

telling the family (who are all 20 - 30 year older than you) what to do now

giving the man his last bath and saying goodbye to him

do you know what?

I do love my job. and i love it because i am good at it

word

iwanttospyontheyearningsofothers.com

this sure beats love songs til midnight

letters to crushes

i can has bang? srsly?

fuck i love this show

in fact

i heart it

construction permit

if your office door is closed at any time during your working hours today, it means you are extremely busy and must not be disturbed

it does not mean that you are building a fort under your desk

promise

pta

tonight, mykaryn has to go to parent-teacher interviews

she has to parent-teacher with holden caulfield

now, they've never met before, but

he knows that she knows that he knows
and
she knows that he knows that she knows

i know

ce soir

you might just be driven enough to go for a 5.5km walk after work but before dinner. this is excellence personified. wear your sporty shorty shorts to try and suck as much vitamin d out of the atmosphere into your hypocalcaemic body. you can do your southy circuit in 51 minutes, which is not too shabby at all, little chirst. your theory about this is if you try and walk to any pavement song in double time you're bound to get anywhere right smartly

get home and have some homemade pizza and two beers

then counteract all the push-playing by eating the awesome brownies bajoolies made. ensure you put monkey business icecream on them (don't worry, he's not a scary monkey on the lid of the container. he's a friend)

don't watch this before you go to bed, though - it's a bit too creepy

ruh oh shaggy, too late

lolcat of the day

i'm about to get in my bed at the caversham palace

it's untested by lolcats

however 1/1 900 year old jack russell terriers think it is fabulous. on it, under it and in it

i'll confess to a wee bounce, and i pronounce it pretty darn good

especially if you had the foresight to put the blanky on at 2200

oh, look. i did have the foresight to do exactly that

dreamweaver

i went back to sleep this morning and had a very weird, convoluted and involved dream - the kind you only seem to have when you fall asleep with the lecky blanky on 3 and a 900 year old jack russell terrier cuddled up to you

i dreamed i was driving around dunedin in a van, solving the city's internet connection problems. of course, this IS my specialty profession - little known fact for those of you reading at home. lucky i had an assistant, but he was a bit of a maverick and you could never be sure what he would say to the customers

then we were packing up from one of the jobs we had been to and he said "don't forget this" and it was a chinchilla. "no, i said, that was here when we got here" "it's true", said the chinchilla, "i belong here" and then the chinchilla proceeded to have a dust bath in a dish of flour

then i woke up, a bit hot and what now with the who now

my sister anne used to have a chinchilla. her name was holly, and she did used to take baths in a dish of flour.

my sister announced last night that she wants to get a monkey. brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, monkeys freak me out. and then she said i would be okay with the monkey, because i was going to turn into the crazy cat lady from the simpsons, and i would have plenty of cats to throw at the monkey

ppttttssssssssccccchhhhhhh

as if

it's like all the times in the past when various ex boyfriends have said "i can't believe how much you remind me of:

1. joey from friends


2. lisa simpson "because you're all tubby in your bathing suit, and your legs are stumpy just like hers!"


3. homer simpson (unfortunatey, i'd just been sprung, lying in bed, eating chips from the bag and trying to lick the crumbs off myself, so i didn't have a strong platform from which to launch my scathing comeback)


4. kim from kath & kim


5. cartman


6. equal draw between patsy and edina from ab fab

i mean, really. to know me is to love me

lolcat of the day

all day i thought i was going to go to the gym after work for to get the endorphins and fix everything

all

day

but then my friend stella said "come home, i'm cold"

honestly, it was out of my hands

angel of the morning

good morning, little chirst! good morning to you!

shut up

alrighty, then

i'm lost as quickly as i'm found

i'm going to wrap myself up in some comforting american indie rock from the 1990s

it's better than having a delorean

lolcat of the day

yeah, yeah, i hear you say

but i really think i mean it this time

i'll surprise us both

comfortably number

tomorrow, at half past midday and four minutes and fifty six seconds

the time and date will be

12.34 56 07/08/09

i really don't know what the fuck this means, but i would really like it to mean something

something has to

i mean, really

line up, line up

he won't deceive you
but tell you the truth
woman, he'll be no trouble
he won't write you letters
full of excuses
come on
believe you have one in a million
you're not the girl you think you are

you takes what you can gets

sometimes, just sometimes, the universe will allow you a little somethin' somethin'

just a little

like, say, you are sitting in front of the tv and you're having your third beer and you've got your fish and chips all ready to eat and you flick through the sky tv at the caversham palace on the off chance that there's something preferable to the usual dreck that's always on every single channel

and you're quite prepared, nay, happy to settle for a repeat of 'house' you find on one channel, because you quite like grumpy dr gregory and you like to second guess his differential diagnoses and shout them out to impress bajoolies with your medical speak ("sarcoidosis!" - gregory likes that one, but we've all learned that it's hardly ever "lupus!")

flick on though, because you know what's on comedy central at 2030?

'entourage', that's what

boo yah!

sophie's choice

she likes chips, but not your left over piece of cheese and onion burger you saved especially for her

but she's 900 years old and a jack russell terrier

so don't ask her for investment tips in these uncertain economic times

or you'll have only yourself to blame

c is for

i didn't make this. i only found it. here, you can look too

if i found food and/or drink that smiled at me like this, i would be shiny with joy and goodwill toward fellow man

as it is, carbs and coffee already give me a glow

one time, in 1992, when i was out of my tiny little mind on something or other, i found a leaf in the octagon that looked like woodstock from 'peanuts'

it took me until about 2001 to throw it out

yes, readers, that is correct: 2001

pollyanna's silver lining roundup

i had a very nice time at luna. thank you for the movies; you always, always uncannily know exactly what i like. so, yeah, ta :) - oh, and bajoolies had expected 'adventureland' reaction, so points for you

i have clean white 400 thread count egyptian cotton sheets on my amazingly awesome bed, and the blanket has been on 3 for the last hour

i am rereading a good book that is very well written and achingly funny. thank you steve martin for "the pleasure of my company"

i transfer my abode tomorrow to that of the caversham palace where i plan to use the most amazing bath in the world plenty. let's reiterate that amount:plenty

if i can get through four days of work, i'm going to cut loose on saturday night with a force and enthusiasm and appetite for destruction previously undisplayed. tied into this is the serendipitous fact that my fortnightly pay day is this week. huzzah

and to all, a good night. want me to wake you at 0630? no?
alrighty, then

tennessee waltz

have three of these with your friend up at luna in roslyn

also
eat hand cut fries with tomato sauce and aioli
talk in depth about 'funny people' and 'whip it'
perform a reasonable amount of gesticulation using said hand cut fries

you'll feel a bit better

oh, and just to make sure, you'd better have another one when you get home
just to make it stick

tactical retreat

right

that's it

i'm calling a time out

no more dating. none whatsoever.

• no more "do you want to see a magic trick?"
• no more "oh, stand by" as trousers get forcibly loosened to accommodate meal
• no more rancid burps being breathed on me (oh, crap, cos i'm really going to miss this one)
• no more "oh by the way, did i tell you i'm married? don't worry, my wife's cool with it"
• no more weird fixed stares and unsettling laughter
• no more "yeah, i left the navy to become a jehovah's witness but now i really believe in dream interpretation"
• no more "i'm not really aiming to finish my BA (after 8 years!!!) because then i'll have to think about getting a job. i don't like it when women put this kind of pressure on me"
• no more "i need to have my wrists and ankles uncovered at all times. see?"
• no more damp, cold sweaty hands to shake
• no more mind numbing, soul destroying small talk

no

more

from now on i'm just going to walk the earth. you know, walk the earth, meet people and get in adventures. like caine from 'kung fu'

you can go with this, or you can go with that

question the first for the day

>are you getting out of bed anytime soon?

answer the first for the day

>no

alrighty, then

line up, line up

and it is true what you said
that i live like a hermit in my own head
but when the sun shines again
i'll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in

sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole
just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound

lolcat of the day

the world is a vampire

yay. you got up out of your cocoon, showered and dressed by midday today. you're a star!

this deserves a reward. go directly to the mornington bakery and request the following:

• 1 X chicken and mushroom pie
• 2 X corn savouries
• 1 X chocolate eclair
• 1 X 600mL bottle of coke zero

and then the bakery lady will say "we don't have any chicken and mushroom pies or corn savouries"

and you will swallow down the rage and request some quiche instead, fully aware that this is just not going to cut it in the pursuit of happiness stakes

as you leave your hear the person behind you in the queue say "do you have any chicken satay pies?" and the bakery lady replying "certainly! would you like 17 of them?"*

go home and watch infinity episodes of 'arrested development'. take some cold comfort in this: sooner or later, this day has to end

*this may have been slightly hyperbolic for comedic effect

my pride will keep me company

for a while, this was your favourite song to load the dishwasher to. you'd have your ipod on and be shamelessly, perfectly and loudly belting out the words in perfect time, tune, key and pitch

absolutely everyone was totally floored by your performance
every
single
time

because let's face it: the acoustics in the kitchen are awesome, and they are not going to hurt you any

now i'm on my own side

i used to lift lines from this song as my facebook status all the time

bit of a feem toon, you could say

a picture is worth a thousand words

lolcat of the day

that black cat has NO idea

nada

zip

zilch

it'll learn, though

every day is like sunday

blurgh

you've eaten enough foods in the last 24 hours that it's become difficult to maneouvre without making lamaze breathing sounds. this surely can't be good

you've looked at too much stuff on the interweb. too much. and yet, at this moment, you've still got four tabs open, looking at more stuff

you're going to try and watch the last movie you got out. you hope it won't be a 3/3 suckfest but you're none too optimistic. you better bring it luke wilson, is all you've got to say on the matter. bring it good

there's about three movies that you've watched trailers for on youtube that you want to see RIGHT NOW but when they actually come out you'll have forgotten all about them

you've got a date tomorrow afternoon which will mean actually getting up out of your cocoon and being charming and engaging and attractively presentable. ruh oh, shaggy, this sounds like a big ask

you wish it was the future. the good future, not the stoopid hard work is it's own reward future

don't worry. it'll be here in

3
2
1

tip of the day 2

the wackness is wack

tip of the day

the rocker is a shocker

(yes, yes, ok, i know, what was i thinking? i have only myself to blame)

busy busy world

so, whatcha gonna do today, chirsty?

well, i think i'll stay in bed until 1300. that seems to have become more and more the usual in the last couple of weeks when i don't have to go to work. i think i'm nearing the end of the grace period where i can excuse this as recuperating because of having the zombie flu. because that was happening two weeks ago

oh well, like the cheese man says. you can't rush things, eh?

and while you're in bed, under the spell of the wifi you can do important things. like create lolcats. and look at lolcats. and graphs

you can reply to the speed dating guy who emailed you about meeting up

then you can go to the video store and get out 'big stan'. not by accident, either, because you saw a trailer for it the other week. so it is a totally premeditated act. you can also get out 'the rocker' with rainn wilson in it, because he's painfully funny. you can also get out a flick with luke wilson (no relation to rainn) in it because you're swayed by the phrase "living his life in quiet desperation" on the back of the cover. for some reason, this really appeals to you. the only thing that would have made you happier (at the video store, natch, not totally happier in the wider realms of my life) was if there was a new steve carrell movie or if 'i love you man' was out

go to the mcdonald's drive through. get whatever your little heart desires. because you forgot to eat after lunch on thursday until lunch on friday. that plus vino made you a hooT at the speed dating, but kind of wiped out your friday and wreaked the darndest havoc with your digestive system after you tried to fill it with cheese and fish and chips

get back in bed with your food booty (footy? boody?) and succumb to the easy brain delights of rob schneider's directorial debut. also i think it is david carradine's last film before he went the way of michael hutchence. and the whole way through, you'll think the wife is ginnifer goodwin, but it's really the hot lady doc from 'house' that was in love with house but marries the cute australian doc

while you are watching 'big stan' you can text princess fiona and arrange to meet up for beers and curry later in the evening

thank god all of this stuff was planned out in my diary weeks ago. i honestly don't know how i would have coped otherwise

Gotham Arse Race (FoB Misheard Lyrics)

this makes me laugh and laugh and laugh. out loud, even

but now, i can't hear the real words anymore

i think these ARE the real words

because i'm ALSO emo and also into cats

rob schneider is a funny funny man

i used to have an inexplicable love for martin lawrence. it's kinda faded to a fondness that becomes reactivated into love whenever i watch 'bad boys' or 'nothing to lose' or 'blue streak'. two words: comedic gold. i was also lucky enough to be gifted the whole first series of 'martin' on dvd which i binge watched in two evenings. sigh. oh, mah-in. where did you go?

something weird has happened lately. very lately, as in today. i've developed a comedy crush on rob schneider

i know, i know. you're not supposed to like him or think he's funny

but he IS. no, really. i can vouch for that after spending the afternoon watching 'big stan'. and really, be honest with yourself. 'deuce bigalow' and 'the animal' are also nothing to not laugh at. and you couldn't ask for a better secondary supporting running gag character - just look at '50 first dates' or 'the waterboy'.

i'll blame my 'broad taurean sense of humour' for the above opinions

and we all know my taste is exemplary and without question never, ever impaired