hope the time is right for it

you can kid yourself for so long, and you can kid your expensive friend for so long

like, 5 years or so and counting - at least. let's just concentrate on the recent past and not ancient history

what a waste - time, money, life unlived, potential unfulfilled, yada yada yada

and then there's the two years you spent in the shit storm hell of push/pull compulsive masochism without chemical augmentation

but suddenly you're there, in the moment and with the man your life seems to have been leading up to
and even though it's everything you've wanted and hoped for and thought you'd never get - to have it is too much because it's foreign and frightening, and you find you can't ante up without more than a little something something, and then a lot more of a little something something

so you're back on the ssri slow dance in order to cope with the lovely man who is lovely to you - go fucking figure, right?

and believe me, it's a s_ l_ o_ w dance.  days are weeks, weeks are months and let's not think about the possibility of years

so stick your fingers in my mouth, pull my lips back and watch me smile - oh, i take direction so so well

and god help me, but i think mr d'arcy going to catch me on my troubled portion