oh, hell no

i don't think dante ever considered some of the things that make up modern day hell.

imagine this, if you will.

it's saturday night. you're cold and you're cranky because you're not allowed any delicious soothing wine for a week. so you go to the supermarket, which not only taunts you with the best vino specials this year but there are nine thousand touchy feely loving couples rubbing their happiness in your face. it's a log jam of lust at the woollies, and nobody loves you and you will be old and die alone.

then you go to the video store, where approximately 76% of those couples have beaten you there. and they're taking the last copies of the movies you want to see in between licking each other's faces and talking weird made up language to each other.

that's okay. you can swallow down the bitterness like a jagged little pill because you get the latest paul rudd film, so it's all good. but the karmic trade off for that piece of luck is being stuck in line in front of two 13 year old girls who squeal and giggle and talk about nothing but 'twilight'. now, i too like edward cullen, but after listening to these two it's no wonder their mother is sitting in the car outside. it's also aces that the line takes 12 minutes to move, because then you get to hear the giggling for what feels like 15 years. it's super wicked cool, and i wish i had a track of it on my frickin' ipod.

the appropriate balm for the soul in this instance is to take deep south boysenberry icecream and totally cover it in that hokeypokey choc magic stuff. it's not a cure all, but damn it makes things feel a little better.

given the current level of discontent percolating in my system, i'm understandably a little apprehensive about tonight's pilgrimage to video ezy.