good grief

i kind of feel weird about my birthday, because the anniversary of my mother's death is the day after - therefore they're forever and inextricably linked

- initially cemented together by spending the entirety of my 14th in the hospital

inevitably i try and do something elaborate and entertaining and distracting for my birthday, which usually means i can blame my shithouse mood the next day on my hangover rather than face the fact that twenty one years later i still miss my mum

this year the calendar has aligned in such a way that i get the in-your-face triple play :

friday 7 may - chirst's birthday

saturday 8 may - jan's anniversary

sunday 9 may - mother's day

i also like to try and take three or four days off work around this time to incorporate the drinking and denial. this year, with a cunning combination of rostered days off, stat days in lieu and one single annual leave day i've managed to finagle six days off in a row, which has been great

i spent the evening of my birthday eating junk food, wearing my cool new earrings and watching "how i met your mother" with bajoolies, which was fantastically hilarious

for tonight i've amassed an eclectic group of very awesome and amazing women to go forth to the asian in moray place to eat, drink and be merry with me, which will act dually as a birthday celebration and somewhat of a cushion against the everpresent undertow of someone missing

i just have to gather the ingredients for pre-dinner cosmopolitans (there'd better be limes aplenty to be found tomorrow, dunedin, that's all i can say), tidy my room, zip myself into my party frock and i'll be ready to repress in style

sunday though - that might be the tricky one to stick for the landing